OK, so to get into character for the movie I just shot, I've watched all 3 "Twilight" movies, and I have to say...wow. What crap. I'm sorry, I know it's a phenomenon and I know the girls are all "Team Edward/Jacob!" and everything; but wow, what crap.

The first one wasn't that bad. But the second & third. Crrrrap!

Am I supposed to believe that this 17-18 year old girl is so mature, and so in love with this guy she (realistically) barely knows, that she will make a life changing decision for him??? She's fucking 18!!! Come the fuck on!

Look, when I was 18, I thought I knew everything (hell, we all do at that age), but if a girl I "loved" at the time (and there were a few) asked me to make a decision like that...hell, forget asking to be a vampire and live forever, if she even asked if I wanted to take a class at college with her that I wasn't really into, I'd stress about it for days. Probably would've taken the class, cause I'm "in love", and eventually we would've broken up and now I'm stuck in a class with an ex learning all about ancient Tazmanian cutlery, or something stupid like that.

OK, so that's one.

Two, how the fuck are these "kids!" so fucking eloquent? THEY'RE KIDS!!! No kids talk like that unless they're quoting "Twilight"! For the reasons of the story, I can believe Edward talks like that. He's over 100 years old so (emotionally), he's a refined man. But the girl and Jacob (who is so fucking annoying), how come they are sooooo deep and worldly when they're not legally old enough to drink!?

After a few drinks most people are poets, but not as a stone cold sober teenager.

These movies are making kids think that the love they have in adolescence is forever. It can be, but ususally isn't. Let's be realistic, it's a small percentage of couples that get married (and stay married) to their high school sweet hearts. My cousin is actually one of them, so I know it's true. But she's the only one I know...and I know a lot of people.

The whole reason for adolescence is to fuck up. You should date a lot, figure out who you are and what you want.

Everything is beautiful and poetic and dramatic and forever when you're that age, but as you get older and into your mid 20's, that's when you go, "Shit, I almost got that 'Pokemon' tattoo on my face; thank god my parents said no'.

I haven't read the books, and I probably won't see the final "Twilight" movies (although there is a morbid curiosity), but if Bella actually let's herself become a vampire for a guy...and if this were real...she'd be happy and excited for about 10 years...then she and Edward would get on each other's nerves A LOT!

"My god Bella, do you have to shimmer like a diamond EVERYTIME you go outside!?" - "Well maybe I wouldn't go outside if you were so fast in "everything" Edward. It'd be nice to have an orgasm more than once a decade!" - "Fuck this, I'm going to eat your father!" - "Hmm, that's about the only thing you're eating lately!"

It happens in every relationship.

So this blog turned out to be all about "Twilight", I apologize, but it's what's on my mind these days...hopefully these days end today.

Oh, just to put a cherry on this vampire sundae, here's what I looked like as "Charlie" (Bella's day) in the film:

I wish they'd let me cut my hair since the actor who plays him has shorter, slightly more trimmed hair. Oh well.

I'm going to get ready for my trip to the airport.

And if anyone in the south Florida area is reading this, remember, I'm performing tomorrow night (along with Allison & Skippy Greene!) at The Funky Buddha in Boca Raton! It's going to be an amazing show, so don't miss it.

Cause if you do, I'll come over and bite you and turn you into a Glampire...that's a vampire who's in an 80's band.

9/21/11
Wow, sorry for such a blog-less month. I have been swamped! Which is what I've been wanting, so there ya go!

I'm in LA now, but I'm leaving tomorrow after flying back here from Florida 2 days ago.

Why, you ask?

BECAUSE I JUST SHOT A MOVIE MOTHER FUCKER!

That's right, I shot a nice, featured part in the upcoming movie Suckers! (though, it used to called "Fully Mooned", as the link will show). It's a spoof/parody movie of "Twilight: Eclipse". I play Bella's dad...whom I apparently look just like. Weird.

But the whole experience was amazing. It had been sooooo long (since "Big Trouble") that I shot an actual film. I mean this is going to be a real feature film. And, without tooting my own horn (toot-toot), I was pretty good. I seemed to nail my part each time, I got laughs, and the director, Craig, was very impressed by my performance. He said that very few comedians can actually act (kinda true). I improvised on some parts and I think it worked really well.

I'm just so fucking excited.

AND, he (the director) said he'd definitely use me again. HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT!?

And it's so great to think that I'm in a spoof movie now. Like I grew up on those kind of movies: Airplane!, The Naked Gun, Top Secret, etc. So to now be a part of one of those; wow, just wow.

And I have to thank my friend Stephen Glickman for recommending me. Thanks Steve!

But the only downside was that Steve asked me to come in and audition the day before I left for Florida last week. So when they booked me for it, I had to get a last minute ticket back from Florida to come here for 2 days of shooting. And the only ticket (for a reasonable price) is leaving tomorrow night on the red eye...which I HATE flying. I can never sleep on those flights. But I will think positive and hope for the best.

The reason that I just didn't push my flight back a week was that last Saturday, my beautiful neice, Lily, had her 2nd birthday. And I wasn't about to miss that; not for any part in a movie...well, if Scorsese or Cameron or Zucker asked me, maybe. ;)

God, Lily is so amazing. I can't believe she's already 2. I swear to God, it seems like yesterday that I was in Sweden when she was born. I rmember being in my hotel room calling my brother every hour. And then when I saw that first picture of her. I was in love with that little angel.

Wow, I should have ovaries implanted after that sentence.

Anywho, now I'm just chilling in my apartment...by myself. That's strange not having Allison here. It is kinda nice. Not that I don't miss her, but anyone in a long term relationship knows what I mean when I say, "Sometimes, you need a little 'me-time'". And that's what we are both getting.

I can't wait to see this movie. I doubt it will have a theatrical release, but it's definitely going to have wide distribution on DVD, so that'll be nice.

Well, now I'm off to meet with Craig Gass. Gonna talk about the The Kiss Kruise...which is going to be insane!!!

Later peeps!