1 - It was at 4:00 in the afternoon

2 - I was still a little tired and frazzled from the days activities (long story short, the keys to our tour van were lost, so we waited an extra hour or so while the promoter got another van and so we got into town with less than an hour to get to the theater)

3 - The house lights in the theater were rather bright and it really threw all of the comedians off. As any comic will tell you, when you can see the faces of the audience and they're not laughing (even if they're having a good time) it throws you WAAAAY off. Plus when the crowd can see each other they get more embarrassed to laugh when they see other people aren't laughing.

And 4 - It wasn't sold out, it was still a good sized crowd for a club (around 250 or so), but in a theater that seats 1,000 ... it looks empty.

Of course, as they say, 'the buck stops here', and as the performer on stage, it is my job to get over all of those hiccups and deliver a show that's up to par with show that doesn't have any of the variables I just mentioned. So, again, to the 4:00 show I apologize for my performance.

And I'm sure that they had a great time, but I know what I'm capable of and that was not it.

So we're all meeting down in the lobby in 30 minutes to go back and do the 8:00 show and I am already in a better headspace. It's amazing what a shower and shave'll do for ya.

Speaking of which, I'm really tempted to shave my facial hair right now. I'm getting sick of it, but I'm waiting to hear about something before I do that. God willing the "something" will come through and my facial hair won't matter. :)> (that's an "emoticon" with the facial hair)

Alright, wish me luck for the late show...no, don't need luck, it's going to kick some serious arse...put I guess a few good vibes sent my way won't hurt. Talk to you later.

UPDATE: You must've sent some incredibly good vibes because the late show ROCKED!!! Thanks to Linköping...you guys made me smile. And again, sorry to the 4:00 show...I owe you an "erl".

9/26/09
OK, this is going to be short because I am BEYOND exhausted! A day of traveling non-stop for 8 hours and then (literally) doing a show at 4:00 PM. So my bed is calling my name and I am answering...

So let me just say...much love to Helsinki & Jönköping!!!!! You guys were amazing, and this tour keeps getting better and better.

OK, I'm off...night all...

9/24/09
Greetings from Jönköping, Sweden...we just drove in to town and I'm getting ready for my trip tomorrow to Helsinki. I've just had a little bit of stress dropped on me about my trip to Finland.

As far as I knew, we didn't have our show here in Jönköpings until 8:00 Saturday night, and the booker in Finland got me on a train...which as a Jew made me nervous enough...and the train got me back here Saturday at 3:30. So I'm thinking, "great, I'll get into town with a few hours to rest up before our 8:00 show". Well, I find out today that we've added an early show on Saturday at...guess what time?...You guessed it...4:00!

So basically, if all goes as scheduled, I will get back into Jönköping and then catch a cab to go directly to the theater where I will literally go right on stage. If I can pull this off, I'll be very happy...exhausted, but happy. I'm sure it'll be fine, it's just I hate cutting things close.

I emailed the booker and asked him if there's an earlier train or if I can just get a plane ticket, hopefully he can oblidge.

So what else? I'm bored off my ass right now. We haven't had a show since Saturday, so it's been 5 days of just sitting around, eating, walking and pretty much doing nothing. This is the part of touring that sucks; the down time.

I'm really missing home right now. I have a brand new neice that I've yet to meet, I have a girlfriend who I'm missing more and more each day...fuck, I have a car that I haven't driven in months. I know that sounds silly, but I'm actually missing my car. The whole idea of driving it seems so foriegn to me now. Is that fucked up? I can't remember what it's like to drive my car!

I'm thinking that after Helsinki, this trip is going to start flying a bit faster since we're adding shows and there are fewer days off in between shows. Although I'm not looking forward to the journey home. Not necessarily the flight, but getting to the airport. You see, after our last show on Oct. 17, I have to drive (with the promoter) 10-11 HOURS back to Stockholm...then try and sleep at his place for a few hours before getting to the airport for an early flight. Oy-fucking-vey.

But after that, it's all gravy. Let's hope. Why does this sound like the beginning of a National Lampoon Vacation movie?

Alright, I'm going to get something to eat and kill some time while waiting to hear from the Finnish booker. Cross your fingers that this all works out. :)

Oh, just uploaded another video:

9/20/09
Good evening everyone, I am now unwinding in my hotel room after a killer show tonight in Borås where we performed at this place called Åhaga. It was like an old building where they built trains, and now they have shows there. A little different of a venue that we're used to, but still pretty fun.

Last night we were in Gothenburg, which is one of the cities I was in back in 2007, so it was nice to be in a familiar place. And that crowd was amazing as well. I was a little pissed though because at the end of my shows when I video tape the audience going nuts, I didn't realize that my memory card on my camera was full, so I only got about 12 seconds of the crowd...which sucked. Not the crowd, the fact that I only got so little of them. But, they were understanding...sorry again Gothenburg.

So after last nights show, we all went out to this club and partied like rock stars. And I know in a previous post I said that the whole "club thing" is not my scene...and it's not. BUT, when you got all these people treating you like VIPs and celebrities...I mean c'mon, I'm sure Ghandi would've indulged just a bit.

Needless to say, when I got back to the hotel, I could not fall asleep. I wasn't drunk or high or anything, I was just wired with adreniline and my mind would not shut off. So I didn't get a lot of sleep, so now I took a sleeping pill, and I'm ready to just pass out...which I'm about to do. But before I do, I just want to post the great audience videos from Gothenburg and Borås...tack you guys!!!

9/16/09
Hi everyone, I'm blogging now from my hotel room in Halmstad, Sweden. This tour is going by at a pretty nice pace; although all of the down time is a bit dragging...does that make sense? Who knows.

First of all, I must give a big TACK to Helsingborg for being such an amazing crowd. Not only were they great, but I got to try a brand new joke...and when I say 'brand new', I mean brand-fucking-new. It was a joke about the whole Kanye West/Taylor swift/VMA incident. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, obviously you have a life. :)

But in case you missed what happened, I explain it in my joke, so check this out:

Yeah, I was pretty impressed myself. I mean honestly, I don't get very cocky about jokes that I write, I'm usually just happy when they work. But when I thought of this joke, I immediately got this shit-eating-grin on my face because I knew it was going to kill. And I appreciate the audience for agreeing. :)

OK, enough ego.

So we've got our show in Halmstad tonight, should be fun. I'm really happy with the set that I'm doing now, although I have to cut some jokes from it because I was going long by a few minutes. So the ones that I'm cutting are the ones that (to me) don't hit really, really hard like the others. But fear not those of you who have yet to see our show, you can always buy a DVD and see what you missed. Always plugging.

I'm not getting homesick yet, but I am getting soooo anxious to see my niece! I've now gotten to see her via webcam and she is so fucking beautiful I want to just rip my computer screen out and hug it. But that would be bad.

Anyway, I'm going to take a quick nap and then get ready for the show. And again, much love to Helsingborg....check out the video:

9/13/09
OK, I'm not the smartest guy when it comes to politics. I couldn't tell you who's in Senate, Congress or any of that...frankly, it bores me most of the time. But now, I am more confused than ever as to why people are protesting the health reforms that Obama is proposing.

Again, I'm just talking as someone who is still trying to understand everything, but what is wrong with the government providing free health care? It's working in England, France, here in Sweden...hell Canada AND Cuba have it! So why are people afraid of it and protesting it?

What the fuck? They are comparing Obama to Hitler and Stalin?? Really??????

I just had to look up the specific and "official" meaning of socialism just to see if it means what I always thought it did. And I was pretty accurate with my initial thought. It seems that socialism is where the government has control of certain aspects while it's opposite, capitalism, thrives on competition and profit.

So are people protesting that with government run health care, all private insurance companies won't have any business? Fucking great!!!

I know a lot of people who can't afford insurance so they have to pray they don't get sick, and if they do, they're in debt to a hospital for years paying off some routine check up. If they had free health care, they wouldn't have to worry about that and they can use their time to work on other aspects of their life.

Besides, from what I understand about what Obama is proposing, his plan would only be an alternative to the insurance you have already.

So again I ask, why all the protesting?

Are people afraid that if the government takes over health care, that they'll want to take over every little thing in the country creating a dictatorship? Is that a realistic fear? Really???

If so, then you best click off of my website and get back to reading all of those conspiracy sites about how the government shot JFK and is behind 9/11. I mean come on people.

If there's one thing I'm very sure of it's that this country would NEVER let that happen. Now after saying that, some people might say, "Well Flip, that's why those people are protesting, it's because they feel that their country is starting to get taken away right now!"

Well I just don't buy it. I say that we should try something new; something drastic. Don't fear what we don't know. Wasn't this country initially founded without any knowledge of what was going to happen? Aren't we supposed to embrace the unknown as we've done with exploration of our world and of outer space. What if after initial failures of the space program, the government decided to stop right then instead of going forward despite fears? We sure wouldn't have walked on the moon...

...unless you believe that was all a conspiracy as well.

Again, I'm not a politically savy person, so if anyone here reading this can explain to me what would be so bad about this and would want to have a civil and intellectual discussion, please email me.

Nap time.

OH...almost forgot...THANKS MALMO!!! I had a blast and you guys were great!

9/11/09
So tonight I just had one of the most important epiphany's of my life.

I was in my hotel room for a few hours after the other comics kinda left me in the lirch. I felt a bit put down to tell you the truth, cause it felt like I was being phased out, you know?

So I'm in my room, I end up watching this movie about 9/11 called Flight 93, and it put me in a bit of a somber, yet reflective mood. Of course today being the 8th anniversary of the attacks, I thought back to where I was when it all happened, and after watching the movie I really thought about what I have in my life to be thankful for. My family, especially my new niece, my career, my health, and, of course, my girlfriend.

So after the movie I call my mom to say hi and see how everyone is doing. I see that Ghostbusters is on, and I'm like, "Cool, great movie. I got a bit of a migranie anyway, I'll just lay in bed, watch the flick and go to sleep." But then my hotel phone rings and it's one of the other comedians, he tells me to come up to their room. So I do and I see that there are some really pretty girls there. OK, cool. So I say, "hey, I'll hang out, have a drink or two and just enjoy this." Well, as it turns out they all want to go out on the town, hit some clubs and do whatever.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm not a club person. Far from it actually. I hate that whole scene...and especially when I have a migraine, not the best place to be. But I'm feeling a bit pressured to go, and the girls are nice and I'm thinking, "Ah, what the hell, I'm on tour in Sweden, why not have fun?"

So we're all outside ready to get into some cabs when it hit me like a thunderbolt....

THIS ISN'T ME! AND THERE'S NO REASON TO PRETEND THAT IT IS ANYMORE.

I hate clubs, I hate loud music, I have a girlfriend that I love and I'm tired. What am I trying to prove and to whom am I'm trying to prove it to? I like staying in and watching movies. I like having a girlfriend...scratch that, I love having a girlfriend.

Now don't get me wrong, I also enjoy going out and having some drinks and having fun...but on my terms. I would rather have some drinks at a nice bar, or do some karaoke, or play some pool or anything like that; much more than going to a loud club where I know I'd just be bored, and tired and (especially at this point) be in some pain because my head is already hurting.

If the other comics want to do that, have at it, have fun and tell me about it in the morning. I'll be rested and so happy that I didn't go. And don't get me wrong, the comics and the other people that went with them are doing what they want to do, and I have noooo problem with that...it's just not my thing. And I don't feel like I have to pretend that it is right now.

And here's the other thing, maybe at some time in the tour I will feel like going out like that...hell, we went out for some drinks a few days ago and that was fine...but I don't ALWAYS have to be like that. Why? I'll tell you why...actually, I think we all know the answer. Everyone together now:

CAUSE IT'S NOT ME!!

And I know that now, and I'm soooooooo happy to just be me. :)

Well, this rant is done and I'm going to bed, night.

Oh, I just uploaded this video today, enjoy:

9/10/09
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Lily Harper Schultz.

Unfortunately she was born on Sept. 10...so I can't do my joke. Right from the start my niece is making things difficult. :)

So last night's show was really good; I'm getting a better idea of the set I need to do for this tour. There are still some tweaks I need to do to get it just right, but I think it's about 85% there. I'll have another chance on Saturday in Malmö. I wasn't able to try the YouTube joke, I'm still a bit hesitant to do it, and I only have 15 minutes, so that's also a variable.

OH, and I found out the other day that another comic is joining the tour; 5 comics now. Honestly, I think that's too many, but the tour promotor wants him on the tour now. He's a friend of Pablo and Ashley (the other American comic, and also a friend of mine), and he was supposed to join the tour when it goes to Copenhagen and I have to leave. But again, the promotor wants him on the tour now. I'm just afraid that either time will get cut from all of our sets or that the audience might be too tired by the time Pablo gets up there.

Well, I gotta trust that it will all be good.

Ooo, speaking of "good", Scrubs is on!

And thanks again Kalmar, you guys rock...and Lily loves you too!

9/9/09
I'm so fucking excited right now! My first niece is coming today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And at the same time, I'm so fucking upset because I can't be there.

My brother is so understanding, he knows that I need to work and I can't give up this opportunity to be here in Sweden, but I feel so helpless...like a shitty brother and uncle. God, I'm going to be an uncle today!

AND MY LITTLE BROTHER IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING DAD!!!!!!!!

Anyone else in this situation can understand the absolute...shit, just, 'unbelieability' of it all.

Michele, my sister-in-law, has been at the hospital for 12 hours now, and she's not ready to give birth quite yet, but I'm pretty sure it's going to happen within the next few hours.

Meanwhile I've been sitting in my hotel room watching this series on child birth...weird coincidence, but cool none the less. I was actually crying like a baby (every pun intended) while watching the show. It's just so damn beautiful. And since it's so close to me right now, I just feel even more moved by the whole thing.

I mean a life, a new life, is starting right before my eyes. That woman has kept that baby inside of her...INSIDE OF HER...for 9 months and she is now bringing that new life into this world. It's so unreal.

Just the pure engineering of it all too. That our bodies have that power to create life...that a man and woman need each other to create life. And when I say, 'need each other', I mean that in a purely biological sense, not actuality. I am refering to our homosexual friends who may need just a man and a man or woman and a woman.

That's right folks, the Flip Schultz Blog is totally gay friendly.

So I'm just anxiously killing time and waiting and hoping she's born soon. For one, I want my brother and sister to start their family as soon as possible, and two, I wrote a stupid joke involving her being born today and I really want to use it. :)

I think I'm going to go to the hotel gym and work out a bit. See ya.