"I assume someone must have once told you that you were funny (they either lied or had brain damage) ... a ball that you took and COMPLETELY ran out of control with. Do yourself a favor ... go to community college ... anything, but NEVER set foot on-stage again you unfunny piece of shit....Thanks for taking three minutes out of my life that I will never get back. Post this comment on your over-engineered web site, dicknose."

So I did. Well "anonymous", thank you for your advice, but I think I'll try this whole "career" thing a bit longer. It makes me a bit sad though. When someone has more time to spread hate in this world than laughter, that's just stupid. The world's too fucked up and life's too short for that. Then again, fuck him.
PS-to those who have emailed me, I'm having problems sending out emails so don't be pissed if I haven't responded. I have to wait to get back to LA. Thanks.

11/27/05
Man I'm really slacking on this thing, sorry. Not much has happened, I finished my week in Miami, and it was fine. Miami is a weird room to play, if it's not a big-time headliner, the crowds are kinda slim and the merch sales suck. And the headliner this week was Kyle Grooms who is very funny (and another local-made-good) so it was great to work with him. It's just the last time I was there was with Pablo, and my god, those were amazing shows; they were packed and it was my best week of sales...EVER! I'm trying to pick up a couple more weeks in late December since I'll be here already. Um...nothing else really. I'm sorry, but it's kinda boring on the Flip front here. Oh, there is a new press piece up, it's by Guy Magazine. It was pretty cool. I've been feeling alright lately, kinda off my whole "positive thinking" kick unfortunately. It's weird, I was so gung-ho about that, and for awhile it was working, now I'm settling into some kind of "oh well, I guess nothing positive will happen", and it sucks. I'll tell you why, I was up for a commercial, long story short, and I thought that I got to the next level of auditioning. I was sure of it, I had some "inside" people tell me and the casting people loved me, and then I find out that I didn't. And it just hit me really bad. See I usually don't let myself get excited about things, I always think, "OK, now just see what happens", but this time, I swear I thought I had it, and then I didn't. It's like finding out there's no Santa Claus...well, I'm Jewish, so I always knew that. Let me rephrase that, it's like finding out there's not Hanna-Claus. So anyway, that's where I am. But fear not, I will force myself to think positive. That's what it's all about, right? Positive thinking. I stress this all the time in my blog, positivity-positivity-positivity! So here's to positivity. Hip-hip....ah hem, that's your cue...YAY! Now I'm off to slumberland...night.

11/21/05
Evening all, I am now back in my old room in my parents house. As I've said before, always a mind trip. So I'm here a few weeks after hurricane Wilma came through here, and there's been a lot of clean up, but there is still some shit going on here, and my god, I can't even begin to imagine what it was like just after the storm. I mean now there are soooo many trees missing from where they used to be, others uprooted, still some down powerlines and traffic lights. And this is nothing compared to New Orleans. I just read that there are over 6,000 people still unaccounted for, can you fucking believe that??? 6,000!? They feel that the country as forgotten about them. You know what, I don't blame them. I mean for the first month or so, everything was about Katrina and New Orleans. Every news broadcast, every commercial, everything. That was good, it raised money and awareness. But now, well now I don't see anything about it on mainstream news...now, a radio commercial here and there. It's like the population just got tired and moved on. That's fucked up. And you know what else, the government doesn't seem to be doing that much, as far as I can tell. And don't let them say, "well, it's resources, it's money". Fuck you, you've got us in a war that doesn't seem to be doing anything except divide this country and kill people on both sides. Why don't we get the hell out of dodge and worry about ourselves, huh? I read that Rumsfeld said something along the lines that if we pull out now, we make Iraq a haven for future terrorists. I've got news for you Donny: 1-There will be terrorists everywhere, even if we completely obliterate Iraq, terrorists will still be in other parts of the world...including the US. Terrorism is not a gang, it's not a disease, it's a way of thinking, it's a belief. You can't kill an idea. 2-One of the main reasons there are so many terrorist attacks is because WE'RE IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE EAST! I guarantee if we leave, there will be a big drop in the attacks. I'll betcha a dollar Don, one whole dollar. Take the bet. But it makes sense, doesn't it? If I'm standing on your foot and you keep hitting me in the head saying, "Get off of my foot!" And I say, "No, your may, one day, perhaps use that foot to kick me, so I'm nipping that in the bud. But I want you to stop hitting me in the head." Maybe I'm just a dreamer or a tree hugging, fag, liberal, pussy who hates America. I'm tired, g'night.

11/17/05
Evening all. Well first of all, I've had a few responses to the contest going on over at the Message Boards, but only one person has gotten all of the quotes right. There are 4 more who could win a signed copy of my promo DVD. Get on over and win that shit! It's been so great sleeping in my own bed for a few days, I can't tell you how great that feels. I've been sleeping so well, unlike in Dallas where I couldn't fall asleep at all. I am getting up early to take my roommate to the airport (well, 9:30 is early for me) and then I'm hitting the gym. I got so pudgy on the road, didn't workout at all, I got really lazy. When I'm on the road, I feel like it's a vacation, so I treat it as much, which means I sit around and do as little as possible. But when I get home, boy do I notice it. I really need a motivator to keep me going ot the gym all the time when I'm on the road. As a matter of fact, if you guys want to email me while I'm on the road to make sure that I'm keeping up with everything, that'd be great. Thanks. Wow, I just became Lumbergh from Office Space. "Yeah Peter, if you can just...motivate me to workout, that'd be great. Thanks..." That's a really good movie. Anywho, I'm chatting with a pretty young lady now, so I think I'm going to finish that. I'm quite the ladies man online...pathetic, ain't it? Night.

11/15/05
Hi everyone, I'm sitting here in Mill Valley, CA. (right outside of San Francisco) and it's beautiful here, I'm not kidding, it's like a Norman Rockwell painting. I had a bite to eat at this outside cafe and there were kids laughing and climbing trees, people saying "Hi Bob", "Hi Steve" as they passed each other on the street and there was this guy who was playing the flute. Not for money or anything, just walking through the park playing the flute, like he was Puck or something...I swear, I came back to my hotel to go to the bathroom, and a rainbow shot out of my ass! That's how perfect this place is. I'm doing a show tonight at the 142 Throckmorton Theater tonight. I'm about to watch my show from May to see what jokes I did so I can try not to repeat too much. I always like to have new stuff when I come back to a place, you know, give them something new and prove to myself that I can write new, good bits. I can't believe I'm in a hotel room again...as nice as it is, I am so tired of traveling. I landed in LA at 5:15 last night, got home, unpacked and took care of some things, then I repacked an over night bag, got up at 9:30 this morning to take a shuttle back to the airport and had a short flight here. Then I go back tomorrow...ONLY to fly out again on Sunday to Florida. What a life, huh? I mean it's good that I'm working and developing my act, but it's draining. I'm fucking getting old man. Everything that I never did as a teen (drink a lot, drugs, stay out late, screw around), I did in my mid to late twenties, and it was great. But you know what, I'm tired, I'm ready to just focus on my career and my personal life. Don't get wrong, to go out with my friends and have a late night every so often is great, but not all the time. I don't know what that has to do with me traveling a lot...I just realized I took a major turn on the subject without signaling or anything. I think it stemmed from me feeling old. Last week in Dallas was great, the shows were phenomenal, but the drinking and going out every night (mainly cause it was my birthday) just took it's toll. I think deep down I still want to be that 19 year old who doesn't want to miss anything. You know what folks, I can't be everywhere doing and witnessing everything, right? Right. I say this now, but next week I'll probably be writing: "Oh my god, I was out until 7 AM partying with these porn stars! It was fucking great! I never want to rest ever! Yay!" Let the mood swing commense. Well, I'm gonna go watch my show, take some notes, and get ready for the show. Hope you guys are doing well...AND...I hope you are all ready for the big contest I'm having on the Message Boards. What? You don't know about that? Well get your ass on over, register for the boards and play the contest. It's an "80's Movie Quote" Contest. Aloha Mr. Hand.

11/13/05
And so it ends, my lil' Texas tour is all wound up and what a great time it's been. Tonight was especially good, even though it was a small crowd, they were great. I did two brand new jokes and they both killed, I mean really killed. What sucks is that my recorder stopped and I didn't get anything. I think I remembered how I said them, but I still wish I had it to re-listen to. Now I'm sure you're all asking yourself, "Flip, what were these great new jokes about?" Three guesses....no....no....YES! Women. Actually, one was about how women can be teases and the other is about how men really do think with their dicks. I had an incident last night that was really, really fucked up. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that a woman played me like Eddie Van Halen plays his guitar...and no, I might not as well jump. So I just had this revelation, why did I let it happen? The answer...my dick. And that whole idea spun itself into the new joke. So hopefully I'll have it pretty done by the end of my week in Miami. I know I mentioned something in my last entry about women and teasing (or cock teasing as I so gentlemanly - and drunkenly - put it), but I'm sure you can get the jist of it. What else? Oh, I would like to again thank EVERYONE who came to the shows and who emailed me and became my myspace friend. You guys really made me feel at home here. And a special thanks to my new Dallas gal who gave me a mix CD for my birthday, it was very sweet. I also started a new page on the site, it's called The Flip Fans, basically it's a page for any pictures that people took after the show. Some might think that's egocentric, and you might be right, but people had sent me pictures for so long and I thought it would be cool to start showing them. I appreciate everyone who comes up to me after a show, and I'm really honored and flattered that they would like their picture with me, so why not show them that, right? Damn right I'm right! So stop judging me you clown fucks. Clown fucks? OK, even I don't know where that came from. So if you have a picture from one of my shows, email it me and I'll put it up. Anywho, I'm in bed and ready to sleep and then to fly tomorrow. I'll cya guys later.

11/11/05
I am soooo fucking tired. Long story short, I was up at about 5:45 am today and never feel back to sleep...and right now it's 3:30 am. I'm loopy and my body is (literally) about to shut down. Shows have been great here, but merch sales suck, it's weird. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, we've got 3 shows. I also want to send a great big THANK YOU to everyone who sent me 'happy birthday' emails, that really means a lot to me guys. Thanks so much. Tonight was interesting, I met up with a girl from the show and got a royal screw job. Nothing like my last "blog/women suck/rant" thing, but it still pisses me off. I fucking hate women who cock-tease. I hate to be so blunt, but that's exactly what this girl did. Not that I was hoping to sleep with her tonight or anything, but when I'm getting some pretty heavy signals and after a good time I don't even get a hug good night (I barely got a handshake), I'm fucking pissed. I'll delve into this more tomorrow when I'm more awake...and slightly sober. Just kidding, I'm not drunk now, just really loopy...and maybe that's why I'm opening up a bit now. Shit, I'm signing off before I tell everyone how I masterbated to The Price is Right today...fuck!

11/9/05
OK, even though this is an entry for Nov. 9, it's technically the 10th, which means it's my birthday! Yay! OK, I'll be honest, it's 2:30 in the morning, I'm drunk and I've had a helluva night. All I'll say is drinking, hot Texas women and an ambulence. It's a fucked up night. I'll tell you about it later when I'm sober. Normally I'm not like this, but fuck it, it's my birthday!!!!!!!! Thank you Dallas!!!!!!! Fuck I'm wasted....and kids, don't let me be your influence, don't drink until you're my age. What's my age you ask? Shhhh...I won't tell. Oh, check out my new MySpace page, it's pretty cool. Night....passing out....

11/7/05
First of all, a big thanks to Houston for some amazing shows! I had a great time and to the people who came up to me after the show and emailed me, thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. Welcome to Flip's World. Right now I'm in my hotel room, finished packing for the night, not that I'm done altogether, but there's stuff I can't put away until tomorrow morning. It drives me nuts a little, I'm anal about certain things, and one is having everything done. So the fact that I can't finish packing now irks me, oh well. I'm listening to a new CD, it's called Back Against The Wall, it's a remake of "The Wall", but done by a bunch of great artists. I like it, it's mellow like the original but has some neat things added to it. Did I just say "neat"? Wow. I guess I'm trying to hold on to my youth...considering my birthday is close. Hehehehe. I think Pablo and I are going to go out for a bit, my flight's not until the afternoon, so I can sleep late in my hotel. I've been falling to sleep so late lately, don't know why...maybe I'm still on west coast time. I go to Dallas tomorrow and I have t