11/28/04
I am bored my friends. I'm sitting in the condo listening to some itunes songs and trying to occupy 3 more hours before showtime. I did watch the movie Comedian today and man does that film inspire me. It's so good at explaining what a comic goes through, much better than Punchline, because that movie was more fictional: The lockers, the open mikers, etc. Seinfeld shows how to craft a joke, bombing, restructuring the joke, bombing again, and working the bit into "perfection". I know that feeling so well, I've commented on here a little about my "Garden of Eden" joke, and I'm still working on it. Unfortunately I haven't been able to work on anything new this week because the crowds are so good and so big that I'd rather just give them my A stuff and work on the new stuff in LA at some open mikes. Another cool thing about Comedian is that one of the clubs showcased in the film is the one I'm at this week, the Tempe Improv, so it was really cool to see the stage that I'll be on tonight in that film. I love what I do, I really do. I actually got giddy while watching the movie because I thought, "Oh man, I know that feeling about getting on stage and doing comedy and trying new bits....Hey, I get to do that tonight! Yay!" I might even try a new bit or two tonight, I just feel inspired. I have one that I love to do, but it's a bit dirty and the club owner asked me to keep it clean, but maybe I can slip it in, I dunno. Tonight is only a 2 man show, just me and Pablo, so I have to go up first and do about 25 minutes, which isn't too bad, but it's tougher than going second. There's a whole psychology to the way an audience sees a show's line up. They never expect the first guy to be all that good, I mean hell, if he was any good, he's be the main guy, right? So it's hard to get respect when you're up there first, not to mention the fact that they are not ready to laugh quite yet. But on the other hand, as a comic, it's a great challenge, I mean to have a really good show going second or third is a wonderful feeling, but to have a really good show and go first, well hell, that's an amazing feat. Maybe amazing isn't the right word, but for me, it just means more when someone comes up to me and says, "Wow, I wasn't expecting the first guy to be any good, but you made me laugh just as hard as anyone else on the show." That's a great feeling. The shows last night were great, I'm all out of my new CD's and DVD's, I only have a few "Flippin'..." left, so that's a wonderful thing. I went out with a friend here, Biray, and we had a great time catching up and hanging out. I'm just a bit flustered now because I had to change my flight back to LA. I originally had a 10 PM flight but then I realized that I have an audition tomorrow at 2:45. So I got a 12:30 flight back that comes in at 1:00. Now the pressure will be on to get home and change and get to Hollywood in time. I also need to find a ride to the airport, hopefully someone at the club can get me there. Well, 2 1/2 more hours and I'm off. I think I'm going to walk to a coffee shop or something. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and I'll be seeing ya round.

11/27/04
Wow, what a night. I had 2 amazing shows last night here in Tempe, the crowds are just unbelievable, but that's what happens when you're working with Pablo. Every show this weekend is sold out. I am almost out of my new CD's and DVD's, I only have Flippin' Through the Channels left, I guess they'll have to do. And to top it off, there were 2 oustanding comics who did guest spots: Craig Gass and Bobby Lee. So this crowd got one helluva show. After the show, the club owner, Dan Mer, took me out for a drink to catch up. We had a great time just bullshitting about comedy and life and he said some really wonderful things about my act and about me personally, I really appreciated it. I told him that compliments like that really mean a lot, especially from him. He's been in the business for over 20 years, he knows his shit. He also has an amazing house in the mountains in Phoenix, although he told me that he has had problems with bobcats, SCORPIONS, rattle snakes and tarantulas. Do you fucking believe that? I don't think I could handle that. He said his girlfriend went to the mailbox to get the mail and instead found a tarantula in there. I would fucking freak out, "Hey, I didn't order that." And he also scorpions in his house, in his house! Mother fucker. I know I'm cursing a lot here, but those things just freak me the hell out. Dan got us a car service to take us home and the driver was this really interesting guy. He was telling me all about the things he has done with his life. He was a drifter for years working as a carnie, truck driver, sometimes just living under a tree for awhile. Just a really interesting, bohemian life. I told him he should write a book. I just love talking to people who have really lived life. I mean I have had some amazing experiences that "normal" people will never have. Like performing on live TV, traveling for half the year and doing shows in a bowling alley one day and the main room at the Tropicana with the Temptations the next. But this guy did so much living, it's scary. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how I love to listen to older people to hear their stories, for no other reason but for the fact that they have seen so many things come to life. Airplanes, space shuttles, computers, personal computers, the internet, etc. I mean I can talk to younger people about things I didn't have when I was younger; "When I was in school we didn't have computers or the internet, we had to read books and use a typewriter...now get off my lawn!" It's just really fascinating to me. Well, it's about 1 PM on Saturday now and I'm stuck in the condo. I don't have a car and the one friend I have here is working, so I think I am going to go for a walk and grab something to eat. I'm also stealing...er, borrowing someone's wireless connection now, so I don't want to be online for too long now...although that seems to be my only option since the cable is not working in here either. Ah the life. Good thing my computer has a DVD player on it, I can still watch my porn on a 17" moniter. Now the question is: Is he joking? I'll let you wonder. In the meantime, I'm getting off...of the computer.

11/25/04
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! I hope that your turkey day was stuffed with goodness and fun. Ha ha, I'm so funny, ha ha. That was sarcasm by the way. Not that I'm not funny, but that last comment wasn't. Anywho, my day was chalk full of excitment...that has soon disappeared. :-D It started out great, I went to a party at Amy and Kent's place and it was great. I'll tell you what really threw me, when I get there, I see a few of my friends and I'm like, "Hey Amy. Hey Rob...." and then I notice...(drum roll)...Gary Coleman. Yes, the Gary Coleman was there. He is friends with Kent and came to the party. I've gotta tell you, he was really cool. The only time it was uncomfortable was when Kent (who is a HUGE fan of Skippy Greene) made me do the "Gary Coleman" story I do as Skippy. I knew Gary wouldn't laugh, not that it's insulting to him but that the punchline is just a pun on "Diff'rent Strokes", and I'm sure he's heard them all. So when it was all over, Gary just stared at me blankly and said to Kent, "You actually hired this guy?" Meaning, do you actually pay this guy to be funny? It was weird, but later he and I chatted a bit and I made him laugh and he's like, "Wow, you are funny." It was really cool. So anyway, I left there and came home and have been sitting here ever since...about 4 1/2 hours now. And you know what I've been doing for that time? Come on guess...come on. Not even close. I have been going through my videos and logging them into my computer because I want to burn them onto DVD's. FUCKING SHOOT ME! Not only have I been forced to enter all this shit into my computer, I've had to watch SOOOO many old stand up shows that I did. I'm talking shit from '97-'99, so old and bad. I used to go up on stage to music, not just any music, but to the songs "YMCA" and "What I Like About You", christ was that cheap. I was such a goofy mother fucker on stage. I know that I can get goofy now, but then, whew, I was a goon. Over the years, I've learned that energy is best used like a lazer: solid and specific. Back then it was like an atomic bomb, just all over the place without any specific focus. God I'm sick of me. Anyone else? I'm going to do one more tape (I've gone through 4 already) and then I'm going to get out and see a movie. This is the first Thanksgiving that I haven't been with my family (insert sad music here) and it's a bit weird. I've always been a family person and to not be with them on certain days, it's tough. But I'll be seeing them in a month. Anyway, it's back to logging shitty stand-up. And if anyone out there is a data processor or something, God Bless You! Again, happy TG!

11/24/04
A pre "Happy Thanksgiving" to ya, hoping the turkey flows like wine. I had a fun with Tina last night at the Jetty. It looked like it was going to be one of those horrible, shitty one-nighters, then low and behold, it was great. The crowd was fun and the staff was very cool. And oh the women, they were beautiful! Thank you Palm Desert. Today was another spectacular day of nothingness. I did get some shit done on my commputer, I cleared out a bunch of things on my hard drive. I am going to take on a major project, I am going to digitize all of my old home movies and put them on DVD's. It's a long...long...long process. Don't worry, I'll keep ya abreast of all the major things. Oy... I am getting ready to pack for Tempe so I'm cutting this short. All the best and happy holidays.

11/22/04
So I spent all last night working on a DVD project and finished it up today, so as you can imagine, I am soooo bored. I didn't leave my apartment yesterday and almost all of today...got an oil change - PAAAAARTY! So tonight I decided to go to the Ramada and at least watch comedy, anything to get out of my place without spending money. So I get there and Paul Hughes, the booker and host, was there...and that's it. No one was there, I have never seen it like that. So we just fucked around on stage, I played piano a bit and then I left. By the way, when I say I played piano, what I mean is that I can barely play the beginning of "Let It Be", Wayne Federman taught me. I'm actually proud to say I've been getting good at it. I always wanted to learn to play piano and drums. My brother got me a drum pad and some sticks last year and I just bang the hell out of them. But I can really only keep one basic rhythm. I got a few emails today regarding my blog, I guess there are people reading this thing, so maybe I shouldn't be so open with my thoughts, huh? Ah fuck it, I haven't revealed anything too personal, there are many-a level to this boy, and I ain't saying anything beyond level 2 on this blog. Levels 3-10 are restricted to personal talking. Here's how it works:
Level 1: Daily activities and thoughts
Level 2: Some personal thoughts on career and dating
Levels 3-10 None of your fucking beez wax.
Gotta get to sleep, got an audition tomorrow and then I'm driving to Palm Desert for a show at The Jetty and then I come back tomorrow night. So I needs me my beauty sleep. Oh, and I just want to say hi to "Weezie"...happy?

11/21/04
And the holiday season is one day closer and I have yet to get any presents for anyone. It's been a tough year as far as money goes, so to all of my friends out there, keep your expectations low. My roommies did all of their shopping today and I started to feel to very antsy. I also have to buy my family's gifts out here since I get to Florida on Dec. 20, and to do shop that kind of last minute shopping at those malls, it would be yuletide suicide...yulicide, if you will. Today was a bit productive, I made a change to my latest CD. Since I haven't been able to "professionally" reproduce them (meaning, they aren't shrink wrapped and mass pressed), and I burn them all myself, I decided to rename it and redesign the cover. Now for all of you who have the original version which is called "What Are You Laughing At?!", the same name as the DVD, there is nothing new on the actual CD, it's the same show. I just wanted to call the CD something else, so I present the new CD, "SUPER DORK!" I always wanted to have a CD called "Dork", and when I thought of the redesign, I realized that the "D" thing would look cool on the picture I chose. And when the "D" looked like the Superman thing, I decided to just call it "Super Dork". I think it looks good. And besides, I'm damn proud to be a dork, I've always been one. To me, a dork is someone who goes a bit against the norm, and trust me, as a kid, I was definetely not the norm. I was a dork. One day I went to school wearing green skidz pants (a short lived style from the early 90's) and a green and white horizontal striped shirt. I looked like a weird...something, I can't even think of a funny thing to say that can't already be pictured. I guess I just wanted to wait longer to lose my virginity...and I finally did last September. Yay for whores! I'mah kiddin'. Anywho, I hope you guys like the new design. I'm going to Palm Springs on Tues. with my friend Tina Dupuy to do a gig. She did a one-woman show out here that was really good. I love her, and I would've said the play was great anyway, but in all honesty, I was so impressed with her acting and writing. She's gonna go far, look out for her. Damn, it is so fucking cold out here now, we've got our heat blasting and I'm still cold. Poor Florida boy, "It's 50 degrees! Hand me my mittins!" Well, I'm going get going to Xanadu tonight, so I'm off. Later all and get that shopping done! I'm still mad that no one sent me a present for my birthday. You can make it up to me by sending me a holiday gift. Send'em to my manager...I mean it. Do it! NOW!

Oh, I found this on www.phuckbush.com, enjoy:

11/20/04
Ok, ok, it's been 4 days, sorry. I know that my die hard blog readers (all 7 of you) must be just foaming at the mouth without your daily fix of Flipness. So, let's bring you all up to speed to what's been happening...well, you won't believe the...uh...ah, who am I fooling? Nothing's happened! Nothing too exciting anyways. I got news from my callback, it's seemed that the producers "loved" me but I am too old. You heard right, too old. I'm a bit thrown by that. But then again, it was for MTV, and I guess they want really young looking people, I'm talking late teens to early 20's. Why couldn't they have asked me 10 years ago? But they said that I am now "under their radar" which means that they will keep me in mind for future projects. Excuse me, it's hard to sit with all that smoke up my ass. It was very nice of them to say that, they didn't need to, but I've had so many things like that said to me that it's hard to believe anyone when that is said, no matter who it is. It's hard to stay optimistic lately. I am excited to be going to Tempe next week, that'll be fun. And I'm going home to south Florida in Dec. for a few weeks, that will definetly help. I can't wait to see my family and friends and just unwind. But I know me, after 2 weeks, I'll be itching to get back here. I get that way when I'm away from LA for too long. I did a show at the Highlands last night, it was a first time thing. It turned out to be fun, the line up was great: Mike Young, Me, Brett Ernst, Steve Byrne, Ruben Paul, Butch Bradley, Paula Bell and Tony Rock. Also Brett's girlfriend, Denise, used to babysit for me when I was like 9, very small world. OK, so that's about the recap I think, very uneventful. I gotta get to the gym today and then go food shopping. OH, my fucking cats are insane! They are keeping myself and my roommates up. I don't know what the fuck happened to them. I took one to the vet because he was throwing up a lot (remember from my last entry?), so I took him there and he scratched the shit out of me. I mean deep scratches. He got x-rays and some medicine. The second he got back here, his brother started acting really angry toward him...and it's been like that since. He "meows" really loud and then hisses like he's my ex-girlfriend. (ba-da-bump!) It's really annoying. OK, that's the recap. I'm going to start my day...and it's 1:00 PM. What a life.

11/16/04
Evening all, hope everyone is doing well, I'm feeling kinda middle of the road. I had a callback today (that's why I've been asking you to cross your fingers) and I am not happy with how I did. I got a phone call 45 minutes before my appointment from my agent telling me that I needed to have some things prepared for this. I had no idea. So I scrambled and wrote something just before the audition, and to be honest, they worked pretty well. But then I had to do some improv (which I'm pretty good at), but unfortunately since my mind was so preoccupied with writing the other stuff, I think my improv kinda sucked. So I'm hoping they see past that, we'll see. I just know when I have a good audition, I get a good feeling afterwards, this one didn't feel that way. Other than that, nothing. I went to the Improv tonight and saw some friends go up and then I came home, simple. It's getting cold out here, well cold for me, and I'm starting to use moisterizer, my skin is really sensitive...dear God, how metrosexual can I be, huh? I was talking about this with a friend tonight, about how women are liking the more feminine guys, is this true? The reason we thought of this was because I commented that Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka looks very femme. I mean he does, doesn't he? I'm wondering how this movie is going to do. I love Depp and I love Tim Burton, but I also love the original, it's a classic. I guess we'll just see, huh? God I can't wait to do movies like that. I can't wait to have my picture on a poster and have people discussing me in thier blog. Someone said that I still look like I'm in my early 20's, I wonder how long that'll last. I think I look mid 20's...and for all you know, I still am. (evil laugh) My cat just jumped on my bed...hey, how metro is that? I have 2 cats...Hefner and Flynt, see I seem metro, and yet I'm still manly. I'm the best of both worlds, I'm the perfect package. Come on down! My cat is fat, well, not "fat", but definetly has some pudge on him, we call him "Fatty-Catty-Bumbalatty". Oh Christ, I'm really swaying here. Hey, how 'bout them Clippers? Well, this entry has gone the way of the shitter, so I'm signing off. Oh yeah, we're all going to die thanks to Fuck Nut, aka Bush, appointing ConDUHleza Rice...thanks shitbag!

11/15/04
Just got back from doing a spot at the Ramada, my god does that place make you sorry you're a comic. I'm kidding...sorta. I can't blame anyone for it, it's known for being a tough room. I've had a few good sets there, but the majority of them suck. But I did try a new joke, not a joke really, more of a funny story, and it worked. I took Jimmy's advice and just told a story from my life. So I think I'm going to start peppering those into my act. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to change my whole act or anything, just build onto it. What was also great about the show tonight was that two of my favorite comics, Henry Phillips and Mike O'Connell were there and did spots. Mike, who is hilarious, went up next to last and did as well as I did, so I know it's not me. (Oh he's so modest!) What else to say...nothing really. I've been a lazy bumb the last few days, getting up so late in the day, well into the afternoon sometimes. It's sad. I'm an old man and I sleep so late. This is the time in my life where I should be getting to sleep early and getting up early, not the other way around. I swear, my life mirrors so many of my friends that I grew up with. Most of them have "real" jobs, families, houses, morgages, all that "grown up" stuff, whereas I...do not. My friends think I have the sweet life, and in some cases I do, but sometimes I wonder if I am missing something. I envy my friends at times, I really do. For example, two of my oldest friends, The Cohens, have a beautiful baby boy, a house, a family, and when I see them, I just melt. God, I'm getting there, I'm getting to that point, you know? Now don't get me wrong, there is no way in hell that I'm ready financially and emotionally to get married tomorrow, but the desire is definetly brewing within. Maybe it's also the fact that I'm the only person in my family not with someone, but, as I have said, I live a much different life than anyone in my family. So to recap: I'm not getting married tomorrow, but I am willing to think about it. Come on ladies, don't you love a guy who is all about kids and shit? Damn, maybe I can parlay this into sex! That was a joke...albeit, not a funny one, but a joke none the less. Is that one word? I forget. Anywho, I'm going to sleep now, got a big day tomorrow. Just cross your fingers for me...that's all I'm saying. Night.

11/13/04
First and foremost, congrats to my roommate Candice for her big promotion. To celebrate, myself, Candice, Dave (our other roommate and her boyfriend) and their friends Lisa and Hector all went out to dinner and then to the Highlands. The Highlands is a big "LA Club", and I hate those places. Don't get me wrong, they're not bad places, but I just don't like them. It's loud, expensive (although they know the owner, so it wasn't that bad) and the women are all hot, but they're there to just show themselves off, cock tease guys, get free drinks and then talk to their friends about the stupid guys who think they have a shot with them. And the guys are just egomaniacal idiots who think they look good and think they have a shot, so they'll buy the girls drinks. In the end, the girls are drunk and laughing and the guys are broke and horny. Of course I'm really generalizing here, not all of the women are like that nor are all the men that way. But the truth is, I'm not going to meet a girlfriend there, maybe a fling and that's it. And to be honest, I'm getting tired of flings. And I don't want to tell my kid that story of how me and mommy met: "Well son, I was really drunk at this club and you're mom was dressed like the biggest whore I'd ever seen. I just had to talk to her..." So I stayed there for an hour or so and then went to (drum roll) the Improv...duh. God I'm addicted to that place. It's just so warm and completely my vibe. I had a great talk with Jimmy Dore about comedy and career. He gave me some good advice. I've had some great successes in my life and (as I've said before) the fact that I'm able to do this for a living is a blessing, but I am always learning, always. And I'm happy to give advice to anyone starting or to someone who is a few years behind me, but I'm always there to listen to someone else who has been where I am now. Jimmy did that for me tonight. He said that I need to talk more about me and my life as opposed to just observations. He's right. He mentioned a joke that I did a few nights ago that was about my kelloggs audition and said that it was funny because it was true, real and painful. I hadn't done that joke in a long time and I kinda just threw it out there. And as a pure coincidence, last night I was talking to Darrick about 80's movies and how the best 80's movie ending was in The Last American Virgin because in the end, the good guys loses. If you don't know the movie, basically the good guy gets dicked around by a girl and at the end, she goes back to the asshole and he drives away crying...AND THAT'S IT! That is the perfect feeling of a teenage love story. And my first heartache felt like that, only in the movie, the guy cried and the credits rolled, in my life, when I cried, I remember thinking that I had to now live through the credits. Either way, it was just a story I was telling him, but he said that it was funny because it was real. He said that he had never heard me that "open" about my life and that I should talk about it on stage. If those aren't signs, I don't know what is. So I am going to hit some open mikes around town and just riff and vent about my life more than just my material. Who knows, it could take me in a direction I had never seen. I like that, I like taking chances on stage, that's why Skippy is such an important thing to me, it's different and it's daring (my opinion of course) and I like getting reactions that I'm not used to; groans, gasps, etc. And getting laughter telling jokes that "I" couldn't get away with. Well, I'm off to bed, it's late. Cross your fingers on Tuesday, more to come.

11/11/04
It's official, I'm one year older! Hooray! I had a really good birthday last night, a bunch of friends came by the Improv and celebrated with me. Needless to say I had a wee bit to drink. It was fun though. I did a spot for the late night jam (while I was a bit 'flishnikled') and I had a good set, the Gang-Bang Trainer joke got a killer response. My roommies got me a nice gift certificate to Best Buy, my most favorite place in the whole wide world, and my friend Mike Phirman got me a spatula. That's funny for 2 reasons: 1 - You "flip" with it 2 - We're both Weird Al fans, and in his movie UHF, there is a piece called 'Spatula City'. So you can see why it's so funny...maybe not, but trust me, it is. Earlier in the day I was alone in my apartment when I suddenly realized that it's my birthday and I'm sitting alone in my apartment. So I treated myself to some Cold Stone ice cream and a movie, The Incredibles. Some people might say that was pretty sad, I might've agreed with you, but it really made me feel better. It's nice to just have some alone time...just not in your apartment. My AOL showcase on Tuesday was really good too. I went up last out of 10 comics, which usually means death, but I was really happy with the performance. So hopefully it will be on AOL soon and I'll try to get it on the site so all of you non-AOLers can veiw my brilliance...come on, humor me, I just had a birthday. Well I'm going to finish watching LOST (god bless you Tivo) and then I'm hitting the gym. My stomach's feeling a bit funky again, it really hasn't been right since last Friday when I was really sick. My appetite has gone down a lot too, yet my belly seems to be bigger. Yes, I said belly. I feel like a malnarished kid in one of those third world countries: no food yet big belly. OK, that might've been too far, sorry. A'ight, Flip out.

11/8/04
I was just trying to get some sleep and it wasn't happening, so obviously I've got things on my mind...and what's the best way to vent your thoughts? Online of course! I had my auditions today and the first one I wasn't very thrilled about. I won't get into the details of the audition, but it was a pretty big one. I spent the weekend preparing for it and when I get there, I did 2 stupid things. And both of them made me look and feel stupid. It also didn't help that the casting directors seemed more peeved than anything, but I guess they had to sit through so many auditioners doing the same thing, that they were tired and when someone screwed up it got to them more than usual. I did see my friend Heath Hyche at the audition, that was nice. Anywho, I go to my apartment to change and get ready for my next audition. I leave with a 50 minute window of time, I'm thinking "Perfect"...when SLAM! my door shuts, I take 4 steps and realize I LEFT MY FUCKING KEYS IN MY APARTMENT!!!! I was freaking the fuck out. My apartment keys and my car keys! What a day huh? I have one lousy audition and I'm not going to even get a chance to screw up a second one. Thank God my friend Craig was close and he got me to the audition. What a guy! Needless to say, the second audition went really well, I got good feedback and felt really good about it. But..(and here's a lesson to all aspiring young actors)..that doesn't always mean anything. Sometimes you think you suck and you get the part and vice versa. I know it's cliché, but it's true. But still, I walked out of that second audition feeling that I did the best I could do, and that's all you can hope for. I remember I felt the same way after my second audition for Star Search and I ended up getting it, so that's always a good feeling for me. So I guess I'm just lamenting over the first audition...oy. I'm also feeling kinda yucky now; very tired and my stomach's a bit funky. I tell ya, with a birthday coming up in 2 days (hint-hint), I should be feeling better, but alas... Oh, if anyone is in the LA area on Wednesday, I'm having an ol' fashioned drinking party at the Hollywood Improv. Nothing fancy, just buddies getting together to drink, 'nuff said. I'm upset that I won't be with my family and Florida friends on my birthday (this is a big one), but I'm going home for the holidays, so I guess I'll celebrate then. I also plan on having a big bash in Tempe Thanksgiving weekend. So what else to add? Oh, I saw a buddy of mine on a promo for Las Vegas next week and that's soooo great, he's a wonderful guy and a great actor. Actually he played the pilot with me in Big Trouble, his name is Cullen Douglas. I'm happy for ya brother! Alright...let's try this sleep thing once again, oh, and cross your fingers on the auditions! OH!...the animated Skippy has made it's first step towards reality. My friend Rob as animated a small part of the All Comedy Radio Interview and is working on a couple more. Hopefully we will soon have something to start pitching around!

11/7/04
Man do politics get me all riled up. I was at dinner with my roommates and some friends from Florida and the subject of politics came up and me and a friend from Florida started our rant about Bush and how he's so evil. And then that got me into a schpeal (Jewish word for rant) about how right-wing, religious zelout, close minded Republicans believe anything the right says without knowing anything. Like Michael Moore and Fahrenheit 9/11, most Republicans haven't even seen it but they "know" it's bullshit. "Have you seen Fahrenheit 9/11?" "No" "Why not?" "Because it's bullshit!" "How do you know?" "Because Michael Moore did it, and he's so left and liberal." "OK, that may be true, but what about it is bullshit?" "Everything." "How do you know!?" "Because I do!" "How can you say it's bullshit unless you've seen it!?" "I don't need to see it to know it's bullshit!" It's like some horrible Abbott and Costello routine, meanwhile, Bush is back in office and all hell is going to break loose. These people are sheep who buy into the fear tactics of the government. If someone came out and said, "You know Kerry did a snuff film where he killed a small, Asian baby", I wouldn't say, "That's bullshit! That's just a conspiracy from the right wing conservatives!" I'd say, "No shit, let me see...son of a bitch it's true. Well you know what, I'm not going to vote for him now." So if Republicans want to dispute Fahrenheit, see it first and then tell me what's bullshit about it. Because I'll tell you this much, NOT ONE accusation from that movie has been disputed as far as I know. And if there was something in it that wasn't true, you know the mainstream media in this country (which is sucking on the Republican teet) would totally go public with it. Public nothing, they'd have FOX NEWS SPECIAL!: MICHAEL MOORE LIED AND HERE'S THE PROOF! But was there anything like that? Nope. They did come out with Farenhype 9/11 which I have yet to see, I can't find it at my Blockbuster and I'm not going to buy it, but I do want to see it. I have read some critiques of it and it seems to be the same thing: Repulicans love it the same way Democrats loved Fahrenheit. But all have said that the movie doesn't dispute Moore's findings, they only explain how some may have been exaggerated, not false. Wow, I am really ranting here, but it just pisses me off. I feel like my liberties are being flushed down the ol' toilet and no one's doing shit about it! (Hey, toilet and shit, quite a coinker) "Michael Moore edited the film to make it seem like Bush is stupid". Yeah, it's amazing how he made Bush's lips say those stupid things, or how he edited history to make all those facts about Bush's war record, business venture's and the Florida election seem to be bad things. FUCK!!!! Alright, enough ranting for now. I'm off to bed, I've got 2 big auditions tomorrow. Oh, and if some big time producer is reading this and thinking that he or she doesn't want to work with me now because of my political views, let me just say this...Only kidding. (Hey, I may be opinionated but I still want to work in this town)

11/6/04
My god, what a night. I was so sick last night, I was throwing up and had insane cramps. I will never make fun of women and menstral cramps ever again. If women feel half of the pain I felt last night, they are by far stronger than any man alive. Needless to say, I didn't get to sleep until 6:30 this morning, so today has been a pretty backwards day for me. It's 9:00 PM now, and it feels like 5:00. I have another show at the Comedy District tonight, so that should be fun. I also haven't eaten anything today, I still have that fear that I'll throw it up. Wow, this is a disgusting blog entry, huh? I watched Punchline today, great movie. A bit farfetched for those not in the comedy business. For one thing, there is NO club where the comics get lockers. And comics can't just walk up on a stage of a top club (which it seemed to be in the movie) and let them perform. You can do that at a coffee shop or something with a sign-up sheet, but not at a top notch club. And finally, at the end of the movie, when they had the big contest, Tom Hanks and Sally Field said they were doing 'new material'. No one would do new, unproven material for a network showcase. Sorry kids, don't buy it. Other than that, it was very good. Anywho, I'm going to get ready for my show, wish me luck.

11/5/04
I'm not feeling that well right now, don't know why. I had a really good show at The Comedy District tonight. I did a bunch of newer jokes that all seemed to work well. And I finally got the Garden of Eden bit to work, very happy about that. But anywho, I'm sacking it in early, I'm tired and naucious. Night.

11/4/04
I'm still depressed about Bush...damit. I just can't shake this theory that the election was stolen again. I've talked to so many people and, let's say, out of 10 people, maybe 2 said they would vote for Bush. And yet he won. And he was supposed to be 48% of the popular vote and he won that too. It just doesn't make any sense. Seriously, if anyone reading this voted for Bush, please email me and tell me. I'm really curious. Maybe since I live in California and it's very liberal and democratic here that's why I haven't run across many Bush likers. And Florida? I mean come on. Didn't Gore technically win it last time? Wasn't the state sick about being a laughing stock the last time? But then again, HIS FUCKING BROTHER IS GOVERNOR! I just pray that this doesn't become a recurring thing. Like next Jeb is president and then more Bush's grow up like...well...bushes. God I'm funny. Someone told me that they were told by a psychic that Bush would be re-elected but not finish his term. If that is true, I hope that it's because of impeachment not assassination and I say that for 2 reasons: 1 - Impeachment would be a great embarrassment to him and his family. 2 - I never wish death on anyone (even those who impose it on others), plus the last thing we need for some to proclaim Bush a martyr. So I'm going to do a show at the Improv tonight for the Lachkey comedy Night, should be fun. I got a call to do a local TV thing tomorrow, but it didn't work out because the production is non-union and they didn't want me to get in trouble for doing it. I was dissappointed, but it's cool and they said they'd use me for other things. Alright, I'm off. Hope everyone's doing well and seriously, email me if you voted for Bush.

11/2/04
God this fucking election is stressing me out. I feel like I auditioned for a part and I'm waiting to hear who they cast...NO, it's like when I was on Star Search and waiting to get the results...although I kinda knew I was screwed on that. But anywho, I make no bones about it, Kerry all the way. Fucking Ohio, let's go already. At least Florida didn't fuck up - well, they did vote for Bush, so I guess they did. But at least it took less time. My home state...so proud. (Too bad sarcasm can't be apparent in font). That would be cool, a 'sarcastic' font. You can do some emotional font, like if you type in bold and red, it's angry. Or italic and blue, can be cool. I dunno, rambling now. I realized that this blog is becoming more a daily journal than an emotional/venting device. Sorry 'bout that, I'll try to be more interesting. It's just that most of my days in town are not interesting. When I'm on the road, then it gets interesting. But most of the time, I can't really share those stories, I could screw myself. That's what's weird about this, it's a double edged sword; I'm supposed to talk openly about what I feel, and yet if I piss someone off in this business, I can screw myself. Hey, how the hell did I get here from the elections. FUCKING BUSH!, see how that works? Well, let's just hope this is fair. But then again, nothing about this campaign has been fair. Republicans are evil. They're just low, cheap, lying, evil bastards. I don't understand how anyone in their right mind would re-elect this idiot. The economy sucks, we're in a war that shouldn't have happened, and we're in a war alone! The rest of the world hates us. And yet people trust this idiot. The problem is that Democrats are pussies. They're like the little kids who get pushed around on the playground and take it, but they're thinking to themselves, "You can push me around all you want, but I'm drinking milk!...". They're hoping everything works out. I just wish Kerry would've stood up to all the allegations about Vietnam and just said, "You pricks! I was fucking there! Were you Georgie!? NO! Now shut the fuck up you hillbilly daddy's boy!" How fucking cool would that have been!? I wish politicians would just get to the point. I mean most of them play dirty, why not just talk dirty. Anyway, I'm tired. I've been inside almost all day. I'm gonna lie down and hopefully wake up tomorrow and hear that Kerry won. It's gonna be close, but let's hope the light shines through. PLEEEEEASE God....please. Hey, maybe that's it? Maybe God is planning armegeddon, and he needs Bush to win. Four more years will most definetely destroy humanity! It's all a divine plan, I see now. In that case, live it up people!

11/1/04
9 days and counting until my birthday! Yay! If anyone in the Phoenix/Tempe area was planning on coming to see me and Pablo the week of Nov. 11, the dates have been changed to Nov. 25-28 (no show on the 26). So come on out. This did suck because I was planning on celebrating my birthday that weekend, so now I am going to have to try and throw something together here in town. What I think I might do is send out an evite to a bunch of people and meet at the Hollywood Improv for drinks and merriment. Or maybe at another bar or something, not sure yet. I gotta figure something out quick. I talked to my friend who is animating some of the Skippy interview today and he has some really good ideas for it. I'm really excited about this, it could be a pretty big thing. Well I am going to go to the Ramada Inn tonight and then I'm meeting up with someone afterwards, so my night should be chalk full of fun. A'ight, night. And remember, send all gifts to my manager...you think I'm kidding? Come on, send'em! Now bitch! Oh yeah, if you haven't already, please sign up for my Mailing List