But it was a decision that I felt I needed to do. My life is in a rut and I need to shake things up. I need to sink or swim on my own or at least leave the island I feel I've been stuck on for years. And I did it.

But the strange thing is that it was something that I was stressing over, as far as actually doing it. I don't know why. By the way I was worried about it, you'd think I was about to go to the electric chair. I think it had to do with disappointing him (my rep). We'd been together for years now and it felt like I was breaking up with a girlfriend. So maybe I was scared by what he might say to me: "You're an idiot for doing this..." or "you'll never find another person to take you on". I don't know. And he did understand; I mean he did sound disappointed and mentioned a few things but it was an amacable split and I'm grateful for that.

I think I've just been taking stock in where I am in my life now and as happy as I am, it's become stagnant; still...a little boring. I'm to the point to where I need to do something drastic. I just don't know what exactly that it is yet. But this is a start.

SIDENOTE: As I write this in a coffee shop, the song "Changes" by David Bowie started playing...coincidence or sign? I like to think there are no coincidences. Thanks Ziggy.

I've actually been getting over a few fears I've had for as long as I could remember. The one that's most impressive is that I've been watching scary movies. I've never, EVER, been a fan of those. They would always freak me out and even as I got older and was even in a spoof of horror movies, I still didn't want to watch them. I just had this fear. Then Allison finally said, "You need to get over this; you're a grown man for God's sake." She's right. So I sat down and first tackled Rosemary's Baby. I was so scared and you know what...it wasn't really scary. It was a really good thriller. Then, after a lot of coaxing, I sat and watched The Exorcist. I can't tell you how much I didn't want to do this, but knew that I had to for my own growth. And, again, it wasn't really scary. I mean I can see why people thought that in the early 1970's; for the time it was unseen and completely shocking. But by today's standards, it was tame...but, again, a really great psychological thriller. I also guess that having seen so many documentaries about the movie and knowing the "shocking" moments helped to lessen the scare factor.

OK, so I said immediately afterwards that I wanted to watch something more modern. A movie that I've been told is so scary and freaky that even my friend, who is a fan of those movies, said to me, "Flipper, this movie scared the shit out of me." I wanted to watch The Ring. I'll be honest, this one made me jump a few times. And, after watching Scary Movie 3, I kinda knew major plot points, but didn't know exactly what the scary moments were going to be. And when it was done...did I get freaked? Not really; again, a few jumpy moments. Was it a psychological thriller? Yup, and a good one too. Is my fear of scary movies done? Pretty much. I mean I'm not chomping at the bit to watch a marathon, but if Allison wants to watch one, I won't immediately say "no", I'll say, "Maybe".

Hey, it's a step.