12/29/04
OK, I'm watching a show on The WB that I Tivo'd because I know someone on it and I promised her I'd watch it. The show is Big Man on Campus, and...well, it's a reality show. And that's about it. She had a nice featured part tonight, which is cool, but there is nothing different about this show as compared to "Joe Millionaire", "The Bachelor/ette", or any other dating show where the premise might be original but the idea, editing, graphics, subject is all the same. But I do wish her all the best. I had my show in Brea tonight and it was great. The place was sold out and I did about 20 minutes, and after doing close to an hour in Florida, this was just soooo easy. I just hit them with my "A" material and got off the stage. Did well on merchandise too. A freaky thing happened after the show, a (very) drunk girl asked if she could burn the CD after she bought it, and I said, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't". And she said, "Could I if I give you a kiss?" And me being the flirt that I am said, "Oh..ok" Now, I was expecting a peck on the cheek, this girl molested me! Tounge, everything. It was a movie moment because my eyes were open and I must've had this look like, "What the fuck is going on!?" I might've enjoyed it too if not for the fact that she was drunk and I could actual smell the alcohol on her nose breath. What else, oh yeah, I got into a big fight with a buddy of mine this morning. To make a very long story short, I was supposed to meet up with him and a lady friend last night. Now this lady friend is someone whom I had been talking to, via the internet, for a few months now. And she came out on Monday night with me and some of my friends. Well, one of my friends, who is really one of my best friends, he lives close to her. So today I believe she asked him if he wants to pick her up and go out for a bite, and he said ok. (this is all online) I sign on and he asked if it was "ok", I said, "sure, why not?" Hey, it's a bit to eat right? Then he asked if I want to come. At first I was pretty tired and I wasn't sure, but then I was like, Hell, it's my last night in town, I'd love to spend it with an old friend and a new one. I told them I'd "hook up with them after I see my brother". Well, I spent about and hour with my brother and then went to meet them. When I called to find out where the restaurant is, no one was answering their phones. I drove about 5 miles to the area where the restaurant is and looked for about 10 minutes, all the while calling them. So I was pissed, this is my big pet peeve. People who make plans then flake out on them. Anyway, cut to 4:30 am, I get a call from the girls mom that she doesn't know where her daughter is. I said that I never even met up with them. I felt horrible, here is this woman who's daughter is out with a complete stranger that she met one day ago...and she met him through another guy whom she met on the internet! It's a weird fucking situation. God, I hate telling this story, it's so longwinded. Well, according to my friend, the restaurant was closed so they just went back to his place and watched movies...til 5 am. (you can assume what you want there, according to him, nothing happened) Later he would tell me that her phone was broken (which is true) and he left his in the car. Now, what I am pissed about is that they knew I was coming to meet them and they didn't give me the respect to call me tell me that they weren't at the restaurant...which wasn't even open when they originally left. He's saying that I didn't give a definite "yes" to meeting them and that when I hadn't met them, he figured I had fallen asleep. #1 - When I say "..hook up...", that means I'll be meeting you. I think that everyone would assume that, no? #2 - If the place is closed already, why wouldn't they call me and tell me that it's closed, and not to meet there? At that point it had only been, maybe, twenty minutes or so. I could still be on my way. #3 - Most importantly, if there's one thing about me it's that if I say I'm going to be there, I'm there. And if for some reason I can't be there, I call. So all of this came to a head today with me bitching him out and him not understanding why I was pissed. Like I said, he's one of my best friends and I love him dearly, but fuck he can be a stubborn, inconsiderate prick. He won't even admit that he was wrong, that he fucked up. He's just sitting in his own little world where he's the fucking center of the universe. He's an actor like me, and he thrives on attention and energy. So he loves it when there are new people to impress...especially when they're young, attractive females. And this girl and I aren't dating or anything, but if he introduced me to someone, and then the next day she and I make plans and and he's involved in the plans too, I will make sure he's there. If he's running late, I will call to see what's wrong. It just shows that he has no respect for his friends. Am I wrong? I mean someone tell me that I am over doing it a bit, hell, you know what, I'll admit it, perhaps I am over doing it. I do have a tendency to be over-emotional, but I can't help it. This kind of shit happens to me all the time, and I'm just sick of it. Well he and I talked this afternoon and kinda buried the hatchet, but the more I thought about it, the more pissed I became. I think I just said, "everything's fine" today just to pacify the situation, well you know what? I've been doing that a lot in my life. Like I said, this kind of shit happens to me all the time. With my ex, for example, I used to just keep my feelings inside so not to rock the boat, and in the end, I'd just get angry, frustrated and hurt. So fuck it, I don't care now. If he's reading this, yes, I'm still pissed. And if she's reading this, I'm sorry you're in the middle of this, but to be honest, I am hurt. OK, I've vented and I'm feeling a bit better. I'm going to finish watching the reality show and go to bed. Hm...I guess I didn't make a long story short, now did I?

12/28/04
Man, did I slack off on this blog for awhile, now didn't I? Well, let's try and recap the last four days as quickly as possible since I am tired as hell and have to get up for my 7 am flight back to LA so I can perform at Brea tomorrow night...oy. First of all, merry Christmas, hope yours was better than mine...because I'm Jewish. My shows at the new Improv down here were mixed. The Saturday show was great and it was quite fun to be the first headliner to do a show there. The Sunday night show felt very off, you see, my family (at least 30 members) came to the show and the majority of them sat right up front. That totally fucks me up. I always tell them not to sit up front, but the club sat them there. I should've asked the club not to, but I didn't think about it. So basically they didn't laugh since they all know my stuff. I had some new material and did a little bit of crowd work, but the majority of my act is what they had already seen a few months ago when I was here last. So I was just staring at my aunts and uncles while they smiled politely at me. I felt doubly shitty because Mark Lonow (one of the co-founders of the Improv) came to the show. I wanted to do a top notch show for him and felt that I feel way short of it. I told my family not to come see me for at least a year, by that time I'll have 20-30 new minutes. I actually felt bad about being mad about that...did that make sense or sound like a twisted Dr. Suess verse: "I felt bad about being mad about that...so I grabbed my flabbed and jabbed my tad-about..." Maybe it's just moi. I saw "Phantom of the Opera" today, it was really good. I love musicals (and yes, I'm straight) and this one was superb. The only flaw in my opinion was Gerald Butler, who played the Phantom. He was good with the acting, but the singing was a bit of a let down compared to Michael Crawford who originated the role on Broadway, and who I am used to hearing. But my god, Emmy Rossum, who played Christine, was amazing. Beautiful voice, engaging acting and just stunning. I couldn't take my eyes off of her when she was on screen, such a magnetic presence....AND she's only 18! Fuck me! That's a talent that will be around for awhile. My god, 18, so young and full of promise. I was chatting with a young friend of mine who is 19, and she was telling me that she wishes she was older. I'm like, "You can do anything I can do now except drink legally and get into certain places. Other than that, we're equals." Well, she is also a 19 year old with an old soul...smart, mature, that kind. Anyway, this trip has been really great. The important thing was that I got to see my family and be here for my cousins birth. I am coming back in a few weeks for a bar-mitzvah and then I'm just staying 3 more days before I go to Tampa and then right to Canada. OK, I'm off to hopefully sleep but most likely I'll just stay up all night and sleep on the plane. My body hates me, I'm confusing the hell out of it. Sorry liver and kidneys and muscles and brain and eyes...ok, I am getting tired of me now. Bye!

12/24/04
Merry Christmas Eve! I had a great day yesterday, did 2 shows in W. Palm. The first was for a private party of lawyers, which was really fun. Did mostly crowd work, which is what you should do in those situations. I mean they all know each other, so to just do material, they probably wouldn't pay too much attention. But if you open up with some crowd work, you know, get them involved, make fun of their co-workers (in a very nice way), they'll get into in the act and then you can take them anywhere. So it was fun. Then me and the feature, Carl, went to see FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX...or as I like to call it, "BULLSHIT!" Actually, it wasn't that bad, I mean I like a certain sense of realism in my movies, but sometimes you just need a farfetched movie to help you escape. This one was farfetched, but just a wee bit too much. Anywho, the show at night was pretty crowded, which was nice. I got to meet some "fans" I've only emailed with. One is on my mailing list and said he wouldn't have known I was here if he hadn't gotten my newsletter. I thought that's pretty cool, it really made me feel that I'm reaching people and developing a "following". I don't know, maybe I'm just making something out of nothing, but fuck it, that's me. :-D And there was someone that I have corresponded with for a few months, so it was nice to meet her, and one of the girls I met in LA came with her family. They are Italian, so the "shark bit" really went over well with them. LOL...oh dear God, did I just "LOL" on my own blog? OK, apparently I've reverted into a high school girl. But I digress...so the point is that the show was great. I came up with a brand new bit on the spot, very excited about that. Afterwards me and a few comics and friends went out and got drunk, and then we crashed at the comedy condo. Not too much else to report really. OH, my cousin Stephanie had a baby 2 days ago! She's beautiful. My family is blowing up...not literally, I mean as far as population. We should just form our own state and seperate from the rest of the country, just call ourselves: JEWTAH, or JEWCAGO...or JEW MEXICO...ah, you get the point. Well, I've got to get ready for a big tradition my family and friends have down here, it's the "Hey, let's get together and celebrate Christmas Eve even though we're Jewish" Party. All the best everyone!

12/21/04
It always feels weird when I come home to Florida. Right now I am in my old bedroom (which my mom has turned into her office) and even though it looks nothing like it used, I still feel homey. This is the room I lived in for 10 years, the room in which I lost my virginity, the room that I practiced stand-up...my fucking bedroom. So strange. I could still see where my old furniture would be, where pictures hung and where some of my own touches still are. For instance, I used to have a poster on my ceiling, it was a black light thing, and I stuck it up there with thumb tacks. Well son of a bitch, the thumb tack is still there. The flight here was long and I didn't get any sleep, but you wanna hear a coinker? The two girls from the other night at the Improv, they were on my flight! You believe that? Small world. Not only that, they were staying with a friend of mine in LA. Now for the shitty/good news. I found out that I'm only at the Palm Beach Improv on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday I'll be at the BRAND NEW Hollywood (FL.) Improv! I'm the first official comedian there for the unofficial opening. It's really cool, the only draw back is that the crowds will mostly suck size-wise, so my merchandise sales will be less than anticipated. Oh well, next week will more than make up for it. OK, gotta cut this short, I'm going now to meet some friends for dinner and it's an hour drive. If I don't speak to you before hand, Merry Xmas!..what am I talking about, I'll be jotting down my insane ramblings in this thing way before Xmas...now Wmas, that's another story! Ha, God I'm so fucking funny!!!!

12/19/04
I'm all packed up and ready for my trip, I'm leaving for the airport in about an hour, so this entry will be quite short. Well I say that now, but for all I know I'll start rambling about something or other and will have written a 1,000 word essay on the pitfalls of doing open mikes at coffee shops. Speaking of which, last night I did a spot at Micili's for 10 people. At first the booker wasn't sure if we should do a show, and I was all for cancelling it. But then I found out that the guy who had brought the entire crowd was going to be doing his first show that night. So, even though there were only 4 comics, I said we should do a mini-show, just so the kid could pop his comedy cherry. And it occured to me, it's been 12 years since my first open mike, Dec. 13, 1992. Time fucking flies my friends. They video taped his performance and I watched it thinking to myself, "Wow, I still have my first time on tape and I can't bare to watch it, well, sober." And this guy did alright for his first time, but most of his act was about poop, and I know that if he keeps up with comedy, in about 5 years he's going to look at that tape and go, "What the fuck was I doing? Poop? 5 minutes of just poop? Wow." Anyway, I was going to "headline" it and do about 10 minutes, and I'll tell you what my friends, that crowd of 10 people were awesome! I did 30 minutes and could've gone another 30 easily. I mainly did crowd work, but I did manage to throw some material out there. I did my "M. Butterfly" joke, and for the first time I got the jist of the joke, the rhythm, the wording, everything. I have been trying to crack this joke for a little while now, so I'm happy that I finally figured it out. It's a great feeling, you know? It's like a scientist figuring out a formula. After experimenting for months, he finally got the reaction he wanted. And it's the same thing with this joke, with any joke really. And I came up with a new ending for the "Gang Bang" joke, we'll see how it works this week in Palm Beach. I'm tired, my mom called me this morning (and by morning, I mean noon) with a question, and when I answered half awake, she's like, "What are you doing sleeping? It's the afternoon." Well, I had a late night mom, so forgive me. But now that I think about it, I'll be able to sleep quite well tonight on my flight. That's the reason I love red-eye flights, sleep all night and when you wake up, you're there, and it's the morning. I'm looking forward to this, and my cousin's giving birth this week, so I can be there for it! He's a great guy. KIDDING. Actually, my cousin, Stephanie, is more like a sister to me, we're all very close cousins. Alrighty then, I'm going to finish listening to my Les Miserables CD and go fly away. Have a great Monday!...is there such a thing? Well, for me, most every Monday is great since I don't have a "real" job to get up for. Don't mean to rub it in...hehehehe.

12/17/04
OK, it's getting a bit weird, Skippy Greene is starting to become more popular than me. Well, not really, but it's not too far off. I had a spot at the Improv tonight, it was fun, not too great, but not bad. And after the show I was hanging out at the bar with some comics and a talent manager who is a fan of mine and Skippy's, and before I knew it, I was doing Skippy. She (the manager) was like, "Oh my god, that character is so brilliant. It's strange, Flip you are great but Skippy is just amazing." I mean she knows that it's me, but the character has really become alive. I swear to God, sometimes I feel as if I'm watching as Skippy just comes out, very scary and yet exciting. I just don't want to become the next Pee-Wee Herman; you know, where the character becomes the star and the creator is just an after thought. I want to be a well known comedian who creates a great character, like Andy Kaufman did with Tony Clifton. But then again, I just want to be famous. Well, let me see here, if I had the choice to be famous only as Skippy or to not be famous at all, what would I choose? Hmm...that's a toughy, I honestly don't know. I really don't know, wow. I guess I'd be famous for Skippy, make money and then drop off the planet and just tour on the road doing stand-up. I really don't know. Some people might see it as an easy choice, "Be famous and make money and be happy." But I don't know if I could be happy just as a character, I might lose my own identity, again, look at Pee-Wee. Actually, after his whole dibacle, he (Paul Reubens) has made a great career as a character actor and completely abandoning the Pee-Wee Herman character. Hey, wait a minute, how could I ever lose my identity? I have my blog to keep me grounded in reality. God bless you blog...and God bless all of you for reading it, you keep me "me". What else...oh yeah, so after the show, I was approached by 2 very attractive young ladies who thought I was "cute and funny", and, what do you know, they were youngin's. Very sweet. They both live in S. Florida, so they are coming to my show next week in Palm Beach, should be fun. I tell ya, I felt really good about the attention from the ladies, although I did feel a bit "out of my zone". I don't know, felt like I wasn't putting on 100% of my normal "after show charm". One of the reasons was that they were with 2 guys, not dates, but you can tell the guys were into the girls and that they (the guys) were a bit peeved that the girls were paying attention to me. I've been in that situation where I'm with a girl, and we're not "together", but I'm interested, and yet she's off talking to some other guys or flirting or whatever. It sucks, and I could see that look in the guys faces. So long story short (too late), I got their numbers and will be in touch with them next week in Florida. I honestly don't expect anything, they just seemed cool and were both very cute. Of course, that's just what I'm saying on my public forum, for all you know I am thinking nasty, sick, discusting, perverted thoughts...which I'm not. Seriously, I'm not. I actually had a discussion with someone about sex tonight. I won't get into specific details, I'll just tell you this, when I'm with a woman, and it's just a fling kinda situation, I can be very aggressive. We'll leave it at that, use your imagination to fill in the rest. But anyway, 9 out of 10 times, the woman says, "Oh my god, I did not expect you to be this way. You seemed so innocent and sweet and introverted." It's true. So I was telling someone about this, and they're like, "I don't believe you", and I said, "Why?" and they said, "Because you seem so innocent and sweet and introverted." Well, there would be no way to show that person, so I will just let them believe what they want to believe. But it's true my friends. Now don't get me wrong, I can also be soft, sweet and really 'make love', but you know, sometimes...you just need to fuck. And when it's a one time fling situation, I prefer the later. And I think the women do too. I mean seriously ladies, what's more likely to be said among friends: "Oh my god, I met this guy last night, and I knew that he was leaving the next day, so we had one night together and...he made love to me so sweet, slow and soft." - OR - "Oh my god, I met this guy last night, and I knew that he was leaving the next day, so we had one night together and...he fucked me soooo good, so long, so hard and we broke the damn bed!" As much of a romantic as I am, I think that you would prefer to say the second one to your friends. Wow, I am sounding like the biggest pig tonight, I'm sorry. What can I say, you caught me on a dirty night. Anyway, tomorrow will be full of doing laundry, packing and getting ready for Florida. All the best my bloggers, night.

12/16/04
I am sick, sick, sick...physically...and I guess a wee bit mentally. I've been inside almost all day, I think my allergies are acting up a bit, either that or I have the flu. My roommate reminded me that I didn't get the "shot". Oh well, I just hope it passes before Sunday, that's when I fly to Florida. And to be sick and fly, well that's very hard on the ol' body. Oh, speaking of Florida, I've had a change of plans. I just got word today that Pablo wants me to middle with him in Brea for new years. I was going to be in Florida for 3 weeks, but now I am coming back here on the 29 and working that week with Pablo. I was toying with the idea of going back to Florida for another week or just stay there through the 26 and then just go to Tampa. But the more I thought of it, the stupider it sounded. I really don't have the money to be flying back and forth and January is when pilot season begins, so I'd probably be missing auditions. So I am just going to Florida for a week and then come back here for a few weeks, and then go to Tampa at the end of the month. So to my friends and family down there, sorry, but we'll have to squeeze 3 weeks worth of fun into 1 week. Last night I had a last minute spot at the Improv, and it sucked! I had to follow Brett Butler again, and this time, it was really bad. Half the crowd left after her and they were tired and not into the high energy thing, and I was starting to really feel sick too. But it just goes to show that not every show is perfect, you will bomb, and I did. :-D Well, I'm feeling quite shitty, so I'm just going to relax. I think I'll explore my "metro" side and take a bath...but I'll watch porn while I do it, you know, just to keep things balanced. Oh, I just found this online (yes, I googled myself), it's from my college's paper:
Big Trouble -- This was the best movie to suffer the post 9/11 curse. Like other disasters such as Schwarzenegger's Collateral Damage, this Tim Allen comedy was pulled from theaters before its scheduled release date. Its sensitive subject matter (bombs on airplanes, terrorists) caused studios to rethink their strategies. By the time Big Trouble found its way onto screens, no one seemed to care. This well-written comedy with a hilarious cast was unable to find an audience. More importantly, pay attention towards the end of the film for the breakthrough performance of Flip Schultz as Co-pilot Jan Vigushin. Schultz is a proud FAU grad and extremely successful stand-up comic with lots of star potential. His next big break could come January 8th on the season premiere of CBS' Star Search. -- D.E. Well, they were wrong, but it's a very nice thought.

12/14/04
I'm not feeling well right now, sore throat and a bit of a migraine. Once again I am out late and really tired, what a life. I was at a new comedy room, The Pearl, run by Ahmed Ahmed (he's Irish...) and it was fun, not too many people, but I'm sure it'll pick up, it's definetly got potential to be a kick ass room. But there were a few hotties there and you know what...I was so uneffected. I can't believe it, but I'm used to hotties, I mean shit, it's LA. They're all around. And by God, 8 out of 10 of them are so self-involved or just "out of it". I was talking to another comic who was dating this incredibly hot girl and he was like, "Dude, it was so not worth all of her bullshit. She has sooo many insecurities, I just couldn't deal with it." It's true, it's the ones who are the most beautiful who have the most issues...well, out here anyway. And now that I think of it, in Miami too. Honestly, it's usually where there is a "hip/stylized/trendy/E!" scene, the women are fucked up. My ex was beautiful, yet whenever I'd tell her, she'd just say, "Oh no I'm not, you're stupid. Shut up and don't ever say that again." What???? OK, fine, you're ugly, "Yes I am, thank you." BUT SHE WAS FUCKING SERIOUS! Anyway, I was thinking that the best way to find a balanced girl would be to go to an uneffected place, like Iowa or something. But the draw back to that scenerio is that when I bring her out here, (because, let's face it, I'm not living my days in Iowa, no offense) she'd get so overwhelmed by LA that she would go, "Oh my god! Movie stars! Big homes! Night clubs! Relationship!? Fuck that!" My friend JP said it best: LA is a single man's playground, and that's it. I dunno, they're out there, just gotta look. By they, I mean decent, single women in LA. I sent out my newsletter today..what's that? You didn't get it? Well I bet you haven't joined my mailing list, now did you? It's ok, you can go back to the home page...ah hell, just click here