I know, I know, you're sick of me going on and on about the Swedish crowds, I'm sorry. Listen American crowds, don't be jealous, I love you just as much as I love the Swedish ones. It's just that they're foreign and you know how much I love accents. Hey...who's my little America? That's right, it's you!

OK, now I'm creeping myself out. My body's still a bit out of whack from the time change; I'm actually lying in bed right now feeling quite shitty, so I'm going to cut this thing short. Hej dor...and good bye.

8/28/06
Well, I'm on the plane now leaving Stockholm for London and then back to the US of A. I know I didn't have any entries while in Sweden, sorry 'bout that. Everything was just so exciting and busy, I really didn't have a lot of time. First of all there was the city itself...

My god, that city (Stockholm) is beautiful; it's amazing. The architecture, the water, the air...so clean. I took a tour of the royal palace, saw a place called "old town", where everything is as it was like 300 years ago. Then I saw this thing called the Vasa. Basically, it was a ship that sank in 1600s...and was raised in the 1960s! They have it! The actual fucking ship! It was amazing. I actually came up with a joke about it that killed at the shows...which brings me to the shows....

HOLY SHIT!!!! I can honestly tell you that these crowds were some of the best I've ever seen! Ever! So amazingly gracious, energetic, ready to laugh, etc. They were sooooo fucking great! It was almost unfair how good they were. It's going to be so weird going from a 1300 seat theater to the 350 seat clubs again...which isn't to say I wouldn't love to see you all the clubs. Hehehehehe. Every show was stellar, but my favorite would be the last one I had there. Only because since it was the last show, everything just came to amazing climax. It was like having the greatest sex of your life and right at the end when you have an orgasm...another hot woman comes in and starts to fuck you again. I'm sorry for the crude analogy, but I haven't had sex in a long time. :)

I tell you this too, Pablo is a rock star over there. He gets recognized on the streets, after the show people are clammoring just to get a picture; it was like being followed by the paparazzi. I guess they'd be the Pablorazzi. (ba-da-bing!) He sold out the tickets here faster than Bruce Springsteen! It's amazing. And from what I hear, they're going to bring him back...and they said that I can come too...YAY!

It really is bizarre. I mean I'm in Europe doing shows in London and Stockholm, and doing great shows. I'm a fucking comedian touring Europe!? Holy shit man! These are the moments where my life doesn't seem real. You know when you're younger and you have a dream, or a fantasy about wanting to be a rock star, or athelete, or whatever. Those dreams that seem impossible and unachievable? You might always want it but you never think it could happen....this was one of those moments that I always wanted but never thought would really happen. And "BAM", now it's happened...and it's just the beginning. (by the way, I'm grinning right now) This is a dream come true; the fact that I'm a touring, professional, INTERNATIONAL, comedian. And that I have new fans and friends in Europe; that's such a wonderful feeling. I got about 30 new MySpace friends as well.

OH, I forgot the coolest thing, to get to the airport today, guess how we got there?....Limo? Uh, no....Train? Try again....nope. HELICOPTER!!!! A fucking helicopter! How badass is that??? A special thanks to everyone who worked at both the Coronet in London and the China Theater in Stockholm for making the shows as great as they were. And a very special thanks to "Bob" and Soroush in Sweden who went out of their way to make us all feel at home while in Stockholm. Those guys are tops! Tack my friends. They even took us out to a gorgeous restaurant, built in 1628, and introduced us to the "movie guy" of Europe, Monty Reed. Then they took us by boat to see all the wonderful islands in Stockholm, and finally to see "The Burn Out Punks", who are this group of circus performers who do an amazing fire act. Those guys were amazing...insane, but amazing.

I could go on and on about how amazing everything was but then this would be a very boring and redundant blog entry.

So now I'm just looking out the window of the plane and taking it all in. I'm really going to miss Europe, but, like I mentioned, I'm pretty sure we'll be back. I'm so incredibly blessed, not just to be doing exactly what I want with my life but to have a friend like Pablo who brought me to do this. Thanks Pablo. And, again, thank you to everyone in London and Stockholm for making me feel...feel...wow, it's hard to express everything in one word. I guess the word would be: "Happy" Tack my friends, tack!

EPILOUGE: I'm now sitting in a hotel room in London...Pablo and I missed our flight back to LA. So we're stuck here until 11:30 tomorrow morning. Not too upsetting but just frustrating...I really wanted to sleep in my bed tonight. Basically what happened was british airways got us in a bit late and then we waited for like 20 minutes for one of pablo's bags (only to find out later that they forgot to check it on the plane in stockholm) and even though we had like 45 minutes until our Virgin flight left....they wouldn't let us check in because with security issues, they stop checking in passengers 50 minutes before the flight. Oy...But another big thanks to everyone from Stockholm for their wonderful emails and messages. Cheers!

8/22/06
Well my friends, I am now sitting here in my hotel room in Stockholm, Sweden...sorry I didn't do any more entries from London, but I was busy sight seeing and my body was exhausted due to the fact that I was still fucked up from the time change.

First of all, the show was AMAZING!!!! I can't thank the people of London enough for showing up to the show. Some pics were taken from the show and I should get my hands on soon. I mean that place was packed and ready to laugh. I was really, really nervous before I went on stage; I'm talking nerrrrvous. Talkin' Jew in the south nervous. The two comics that went before me were really good and English, so I was thinking, "Shit, will they even like me? Respect me as an American?" I know they were there to see Pablo, but who the fuck am I? Anyways, I went on stage and opened with my joke about flying and about how the pilots' voices on Virgin Atlantic were so comforting and nice with that accent. Then I said that all the pilots in the states sound like bored, rednecks (pretty much my usual joke with a bit of an addition). Well they went nuts and right at that moment I knew I had them. From then on the next 24 minutes were fantastic. Unfortunately I didn't sell as many CDs as I had hoped, let's pray that Stockholm will buy up most of the rest.

The rest of the time in London I did a lot of sight seeing with Pablo, his manager, Robert and his wife, Susan...that would be Robert's wife, not Pablo's. I put up a bunch of pics on the Scrap Book Page. Such an amazing time. I mean I was in fucking London....performing!...WHAT THE FUCK!?

It's times like these that I can't believe my life. I'm traveling the world doing exactly what I want to do. i'm almost crying right now; it just hit me that i am really here because of comedy. because of something that i've always wanted to do, i worked and i've achieved something that is so amazing...so mind blowing. I don't want to get sappy...sorry. Of course being the consumate pecimist, I'm already thinking about when my life will turn to shit again. :) Fuck it, I'm just going to enjoy this and not think too much about tomorrow.

Tonight I went out to a TGI Fridays here and it cost me $24 for a fucking chicken sandwich. Gotta love that exchange rate, no?

Well, I am going to get some rest now and prepare for tomorrow. What's tomorrow you ask? Shopping, press and seeing what kind of trouble I can get into. Night.

8/19/06
Greetings from across the pond! I am now tucked away in my London hotel, exhausted, jet lagged and excited. This is going to be a short entry considering it's 1:45 PM here but my body thinks it's 5:45 AM...oy. So far so good, the flight was great and the people here are nice. The show is at 11:00 tonight, so I've got some time to get some rest, eat and figure out what the hell I'm going to do for an act. I'm a bit nervous, I mean I'm sure the material will be fine, but still...it's another country. Completely different culture.

Well, I'll tell ya what happens tomorrow, in the mean time....dream time.

8/13/06
Can I just tell you how cool my fans are. OK, first of all, last night's shows were fantastic, I can't thank everyone enough for coming. The first show was sold out! And my parents came out to see it...and they were so proud. Especially when I told the story of how my dad caught me jerking off. So that was just great. Then the second show rolled around and I was floored to see the The Original Flip Fans at the show. These people are my oldest fans; they used to come to my shows when I was just hosting...wearing their Flip Fans buttons and just being wonderfully supportive. So the fact that they came up to Tampa to see me is just amazing. So the second show went fantastically and I had a great time. After the show, another fan, Rachel, came up to me and said, "Look, I don't want you to think I'm a stalker or anything (always a nice way to start a sentence) but I got you a present." She gave me this box and inside was a little keychain with a Hebrew prayer in it, the traveler's prayer. She said that since she knows I'm going to Europe and doing a lot of traveling, that she figured I could use this. It was so cool; so sweet. I can't thank you guys enough.

So now I'm just sitting in the bed of the condo, I'm kind of tired. I leave tomorrow morning, can't wait to deal with the airport crap. Then when I get back to LA, I've got 3 days to get my shit together before I leave for Europe. That I'm extremely excited about, yet I'm a bit nervous. I guess that's to be expected, right? I mean with everything going on today, you're either worried or you're not. And me, I try not to be, I try to keep logical and think, "Since I'm traveling right after a plot was foiled, this is the safest time to fly", which is true. But then that little nervous, Woody Allen-type angel gets on my shoulder and says, "But it could still happen." Well, I'm not going to worry about it now, I'm going to nap.

8/10/06
I'm sitting here in the condo in Tampa just watching the news and watching the world come to an end...nothing to do with the possible terrorist attack, I just saw that Talladega Nights is the #1 movie. Kidding. I can't believe what's going on in the world. This is really insane...but at the same time, you have to give it to the government, they did foil the attempt. But now we're not able to take liquids on the plane? Well, except for baby formula. But then what if a terrorist finds a way to make explosives in baby formula? Then what? "Now only breast feeding on planes." But what if one day a terrorist dresses in drag and sneaks explosives in their bra? "OK, no more tits on planes!" Now the TSA will be feeling all the women's tits, they'll call it "Operation: Boobie Trap". Only men and A-Cup women allowed on planes. Look, I'm not trying to be a dick, but I think it's time to racially profile...ONLY because the terrorists all seem to be of Middle Eastern descent. Again, I'm not a racist, I'm all for equality in every aspect of life: Gender, race, age...everything. But right now, the Middle East seems to be the only part of the world fucking with us. I mean if we get a call from Germany saying, "Ya..ve vill fuck you up!" Then yes, let's check everyone because anyone can be German. But only a select few look Middle Eastern. And don't be a dick about it, just politely say, "Listen, I'm sorry to do this, but you fit the profile of a terrorist, we need to check your bags." Then if the bags are fine, give them a coupon for a free alcoholic drink on the plane. They were only inconvinced for a minute and they get a free beer or whatever.

Let's just be honest here...it's not me, it's not the Bob Smith, it's not the elderly woman or the kid with the Winnie the Pooh backpack. Then again, I could be wrong and the kid will get through and it turns out he's just a Pakastani midget...that or Shawn Wayans.

Then again, maybe we should all have ice cream and take a nap.

8/6/06
Well even though it's technically August 6...I'm still on Aug. 5 right now. I just spent 2 and a half hours driving from Lake Charles, LA. to Houston to make my 6:00 AM flight. My fault, I didn't bother to look at the return time when I booked my flight. Or maybe I did and decided that I really want to fuck myself up. So needless to say (then why say it), I'm full of energy drink and adreniline from the show. It was fantastic.

I can't thank the great people of Lake Charles who came out to support us. The show was in this beautiful theater, seats about 1200. We didn't sell it out or anything, but we had a good 300 people there and they were so wonderful. Without sounding too egocentric, I had a fantastic show. It's so strange, I was actually kind of nervous leading up to the show. I felt there were some bad omens: I lost $50 on blackjack (we stayed at a casino) and I forgot my intro music. So I'm thinking, "Shit, this is not good." Then I started to get in my head about everything; I started to jinx myself. Well, when the show started and I saw the people laughing I started getting more excited. The opener, Amy Claire Lloyd, did a great job and then Theo went up and did a really strong set. So then I went up and just had fun. That's what it's about for me, having fun. I mean I have my material, but I also love it when I feel free enough to just mess around on stage. For instance on this show, they built a little stage over the orchestra pit that jutted out from the main stage. So at one point I just leaned over the edge of it and said (as if to the "band"), "Hey guys, in about 5 minutes I'm going into the song, keep up." It was stupid and had nothing to do with my material, but it was fun. And some people laughed; they got the joke. It's like Todd Glass, he just has fun, goes with his instinct and plays around on stage. He surrounds his material with silliness, and it's brilliant. Well after me, Josh Wolf went up and sealed the deal. Then he brought us all on stage and the crowd gave us a standing ovation....THAT was amazing!

I was telling Theo that this show was perfectly built. I said it's like a really good date: Amy (the opener) was the initial meeting: "Hey, how ya doing? My name is 'comedy show', nice to meet you." Then Theo (the first comedian) is like dinner: "Really, you grew up in Florida? Me too!" Then me (the second comedian) was like drinks after dinner: "Oh my god you're hilarious! No, you do the shot with me...hahaha!" Then Josh (the final comedian) is like the great sex: "Yeah, you like it when I fuck you! Take it all bitch!"...well, maybe not that dirty, but you get the idea. Anyway, that is what this show was; perfectly built. That's how every show should be.

Just a sidenote: I did that entire "date analogy" while taking a shit in the airport bathroom. Just an FYI. See what I do for you bloggers?

Well, considering I'm still on the can, I'm going to sign off now. Only 20 more minutes until we board and then I'm going to try and sleep. Night..er, morning all. And thanks again to Lake Charles. Man, I'm pooped...HA!

8/4/06
Happy August everyone. I am now sitting at the airport leaving for Houston so I can then drive 2 hours to Lake Charles, LA...fun, no? It's always a fun thing when I travel; not the traveling part itself, but the fact that I am on "tour". Bizarre. Tomorrow night I'll be performing at a civic center, my first I think.

So today something cool happened. I was at the bank and I heard someone say, "Great show the other night." At first I didn't think twice about it, then I thought, 'Wait a minute, I had a show the other night.' So I turned around and this guy was looking at me and he said, "I saw your show on Wednesday, you were great." I was so shocked. I hardly ever get recognized outside of a comedy club, so this really took me by surprise. I thanked him and just felt great. Isn't that amazing? One litte compliment; a little validation and everything is hunky-doory.

Last night I was at the Improv and it was great. I sold quite a few CDs to the teen tours, and they were great as usual. The line up was also great: Michael Gelbart, Scott Kennedy, Darren Carter, Jeff Ross...just great. And on Wednesday (the night of my great set), Jake Johansen was on the show, he is so fucking brilliant. He actually opened his set by calling back one of my bits, I was very honored. He is one of those comics who I remember watching when I was younger and thinking, "Damn, this guy knows what he's doing." And now that I got to do a show with him AND that he called one of my bits back, well that's just amazing.

OK, they're starting to board now. Maybe I'll continue this on the plane...or maybe I'll just watch a movie on the plane. Ooo, porn on the plane! That could be the sequel to Snakes on a Plane. Samuel L. Jackson could say, "What's with all this mother fucking porn on this mother fucking plane!?" I like it!