Dear Asshole...how ya doing? Are you well rested? Good to hear. Guess what, I'm not so well rested. Let's play a little question game, shall we?

If it's late at night, what's the one thing you want to do? Sleep! Correct. OK, now, if one wants to sleep, what does one need? Darkness! Correct. So, here's a tricky one, if you are on a red eye flight and EVERYONE else on the plane has their reading lights off, should you keep yours on so you can read a fucking magazine while the guy right next to you (a handsome, funny, and really tired Jew) tries to get some sleep? The answer is no! No! No! You dumb fuck!

Sincerly,
Handsome, funny, really tired Jew.

ps - YOU SUCK!

I guess you can tell how my flight was. He eventually turned it off, but not for an hour or so into the flight. I mean seriously, what a douchebag. When I say that every other light was off, I mean it. But this dickwad had to read his fucking electronics magazine, or something. Just rude...or maybe I'm being selfish; I don't know. I just know that logic would seem to point to the fact that you wouldn't want to be "that guy". You know, the guy that everyone on the plane is commenting about. Which I don't know if they were, but in my imagination, even the pilot was saying, "What a dick."

That's another thing. When the flight attendants or pilots make an announcment on the flight, they speak in the intercom and say their speech, "Buckle your seat belt...our flying time is...turn off cel phones...quit farting..." OK, the farting one is just for me. But when it's a red eye, and, as I said before, most people are trying to sleep (except for the douchebag next to me), shouldn't they be a little more sensative? You know, like get on the intercom and whisper, "Hey there...Oh, didn't mean to wake ya, just wanted to make sure your seat belts are all buckled. Shh..go back to bed kitten..."

Anyway, I'm pretty tired so I'm going to try to get some sleep now. Hope you guys are smiling.

Oh, and a special hello to someone who is reading this now...look forward to seeing the girl scout halloween costume.

4/19/08
A happy pre-4.20 to all of you out there who know what 4.20 is. Basically it's a pot-heads' Christmas...except the tree is much smaller, and purple'er.

Well, let's recap the last week in the life of Flip Schultz, shall we.

Hm...well, I'm about to shoot a little short film project. I don't want to give too much away, but if it goes through, it should be pretty funny. And it might lead to big things. :)

Oh, this was interesting...wait, you know what I just realized. I wished you all a "Happy 4.20" and totally forgot that tonight is the first night of Passover. My God, I'm a horrible Jew and a great stoner...and I'm not even stoned now.

Anyway, so yesterday I went to my gym and I noticed all of these photographers hanging out outside. So I go up to the girl at the counter and ask what is going on. She said, "Oh, Brittany Spears is working out here." I'm thinking, "What the fuck?" You've got to remember people, I work out a Bally's gym in Culver City...not exactly the sheikest place in LA.

So I walk upstairs and sure enough, there's a big security guard standing outside of this room where Brittany was to be working out. So I hop on a treadmill because, I will admit, I was curious to see her. I mean fan or not, she has become this...thing. This icon. And I guess I just wanted to be able to say that I saw Brittany Spears. Not really met her, or got my picture with her (at least not at the gym), but just to say that I saw her at my gym.

So about 20 minutes later, the door opens and she walks out with a few other people (not sure if they just happened to be working out with her, or if they were friends) and they go down the stairs. And I looked and thought, "Huh, there's Brittany Spears, cool." And that was it for me. But there was this guy next to me on another treadmill...as opposed to being on the same one with me (stupid Flip) and he took out his phone and took a few pictures. Why? What the hell could taking a picture of Brittany Spears walking out of gym do? "Ooo, look, here's a blurry, cel phone picture of Brittany Spears walking down some stairs. Isn't that awesome!? Sure, I know you can see better pictures of her in any magazine in existence, but this was taken by me!" Who gives a shit?

I'd rather just have the story. And some of you might think, "Well, if you only have a story and not a picture, who's going to believe you?" Well I'd say, "Who the hell would make up a story like that?" I mean if I was going to make up a story, I might make it a little better than just, "I saw Brittany at my gym." I'd probably say, "She was at my show and told me she loved my act. Then we chatted a bit." That would be a great lie story...not something anti-climactic like, "I saw her at my gym."

Of course now I'm worried that if she keeps going there my dues are going to go up.

But in all seriousness, after seeing the guy take the picture like that I really started to feel bad for her. I mean she really has NO privacy. No real life. She's followed everywhere she goes, and even when she's at a club or whatever, I'm sure there are people in there watching her and reporting back to some kind of media outlet. Now I know that giving up some of your privacy is part of being famous, and I'm sure as a celebrity, being followed means that you're still being sought after, and therefore still popular. I get it...but c'mon people, there has to be a limit, doesn't there?

I guess what I'm saying is I feel bad for her.

OK, what else to report? Well, I'm getting ready to go back to Florida next week, so that should be fun. I'm only there a week, but still I'm excited about it.

Oh, I put up a few new videos on my youtube page...check'em out. I'm off to bed, night.

4/12/08
Well I am sitting here whilst my trusty computer burns out a little DVD project I've been working on, so I figured this would be a good time to blog a bit.

Last night I did Skippy (with my friend Dawn as Lemon Lynn) at the Improv. We've added some choreography to the act and it when we did it the night before, it worked great. So last night's show was on the verge of being just as good, when...

Now I'm not one to point blame, but either the sound guy is an idiot or the sound equiptment sucks...and since I know the sound guy and he's pretty compitent, I'm going to go with shitty equiptment. The point is that the music never came up for the big finale, and Dawn and I were stuck on stage in awkwardness.

Now we covered pretty well, but it was interesting for me. Like when I'm doing my regular act and something goes wrong, or someone yells something, I can usually go with the flow and make it pretty funny...but that's when I'm doing my regular act. As Skippy, I have to remain in character, and in those cases, my natural response might not be suitable for the character. But I am proud to say that I did remain in character and (as I said) covered well. We ended up doing the song accapella, and the crowd seemed to enjoy it.

Not too much else to report really; just getting ready to go out for a bit.

Oh, the tickets for my Finland tour went on sale yesterday, so I'm hoping that they go very well. I'm excited, but to tell you the truth, a bit nervous. I mean this is a huge deal; a huge tour, and it's all on me. I just hope that people to come to see me. I really think that would be amazing; if I become this big deal in Europe.

And to my friends in Sweden and Norway, I am trying to book some shows your way as well; trust me, I want to see you just as much as you want to see me. :)

Here's a little promo video I made for Finland, enjoy:

Funny??? Hellz yeah it is! Later.

4/3/08
Hello all, greetings from a Starbucks in lovely Brea, CA. I am doing a show tonight at the Improv and I came up here early to beat traffic...which I did. I always do this; so now I have about 3 1/2 hours to kill. God bless wireless.

So yesterday I finally got the Amy Winehouse CD, "Back to Black"; it's really good. I mean I had heard about her for a long time but never really heard her. So I said, "screw it" and I bought the CD. I really like it; very old school soulful voice.

That's what's really great about finding new music. Again, she's not really new, but she is to me. And since I didn't know any of her songs (only good word of mouth), taking the chance to buy the CD feels even better.

OK, I'm babbling about nothing...

Right now feels pretty good in my life. I feel like I'm slowly reaching a new level of success in my professional life. Things seem to be falling into place really well right now.

OH!...quick change of subject.

My cousin is in town for a few days so we've hung out a bit and the other night we went to do karoeke. OK, now you should know by now that I love the 'roke and this time was so fucking kick ass. We did (in my humble opinion) an amazing rendition of "Love Shack" (didn't get it on tape, sorry), got a standing-o, and someone even came up to our table to say that it was the best version he ever heard. Hell, I'm sure we were even better than the real B-52's.

Maybe we'd be the B-Fifty-Jews! Huh!? Come on! ...nothing? OK.

Well I'm going to start a new book and chill out a bit.

If you happen to be reading this now (approx. 5:00 PM) and you're in the Brea area, come on down to the Improv. If not...sorry.

4/1/08
I am feeling quite shitty right now because I have the worst cough I've had in...well, in a long fucking time.

Have you ever had a cough that is just painful to make? I mean your head hurts, your chest hurts...shit, my eyes hurt! And yes, I did go to a doctor; twice.

I'm taking medicine now, but as of now, it's not helping. This really sucks.

OK, let's forget about the negative shit now and focus on more positive things.

Well first of all, thanks to all of you, I am in the Top 5 at Famecast! Thanks again. As of right now, I'm in last place, and we have until this Friday, April 4, go get me into first. It's a tall order, but not completely inconceivable. (and if you read that word using the voice of "Vizzini" from The Princess Bride, you rock!) But to be honest, if I don't win, I'm not upset. I mean I just entered this time as a joke really; just to see how far I could get without any promotion on my end. And the fact that I got to the top 10 is really neat...shit, did I just type "neat"? I'm slowly reverting back to an 9 year old.

OK, other good news. I did my showcase for the APCA (basically, a big audition for colleges) and I ended up booking 20 schools! I am really fucking excited; although I have to tell you, I was really surprised.

To make a long story short, I basically had to pay to do this audition. And how it works is that each entertainer (comedian, musician, magician, public speaker, etc.) does about 15 minutes in front of the students and advisors. And based on your performance they decide if they want to book you for thier school. But as it turned out, I was scheduled to HOST the showcase. That's right, I paid to host my own audition!

To say I was pissed was an understatement.

But my agent kept saying that it's different from the clubs. What that means is that in the clubs, the host is considered the weakest part of the show. The heiarchy in the clubs goes (starting from the bottom): Host/MC, Feature, Headliner. That's it. And usually people don't pay attention to the host for the most part. So I had a bad feeling going into this.

So everyone gets done eating dinner in this big ballroom; about 400 people, give or take, and one of the organizers goes up, gets everyone's attention and then introduces me. And I did alright. I have to admit, I did better than I thought. Didn't kill (in my opinion) but did really well. But then what happens is I have to introduce the other acts through out the show. Now this can be seen as an advantage because I'm being seen by the schools a lot more than the other acts. But the disadvantage is that if I did well at the beginning but then suck during the middle parts, it could hurt me.

But that's neither here nor there...(then where the hell is it?)

So I bring up the next act and when he's done I have to stall for a minute while the crew sets up for the next act. It was a musician and they needed to set up his keyboard and move some wires around. Well I'm doing a joke and while I'm doing this there are literally 7 other people on stage moving all around, sometimes right in front of me.

As this is happening I'm thinking to myself, "OK, there's no way this audience is really paying attention to me when all of this action is going on...and how the hell can I not acknowledge all of this?" So I stopped and just started screwing around with the crew. I improved...and it killed. The crowd loved it. Then the musician came on and plugged his guitar in, so I said, "Hey, this is Marc, and he and I used to sing songs around the camp fire." So this guy, not missing a beat, started to strum his guitar...so I started singing, "I'm trying to do my jokes but the crew is in the way..." And the audience went nuts! It was insane!

(After the show the musician and his agent both thanked me; they said it was a great way for him to break the ice with the audience)

So when I got off stage my agent was there with this big smile on his face and he said, "That was fantastic! Because of that, I guarantee you booked 10 more schools."

I gotta tell you, it felt really good.

So as of now I've got some schools booked in late 2008 and early 2009.

Well kids, I'm still coughing so I'm going to hit the hay and try and feel better.

Oh, and if you want to see some of my performance from the APCA, apparently one of the students taped me on his cel phone, enjoy: APCA Video